Review of Edward Scissorhands

Fantasy Comments Off on Review of Edward Scissorhands

Rating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆


The movie starts off with this old man in a castle. He was a lonely old man who wanted somebody to use as his sex slave so he created a son. Now, not only did the thought of incest turn him on, but this old man was a real S & M fan as well. He made the sons hands from blades, hoping to finally reach the ultimate orgasm. In the excitement of seeing his creation coming to life, the old man croaked. Now, down in the valley was a goody goody Mrs. Cleaver type woman who found Edward Scissorhands and decided she needed to fill the empty void in her life so she took him home. Edward falls in love with her daughter, which was doomed from the start. All the neighbors must have been sadist as well, because they just can’t wait for him to put his blades all over them. He ends up killing the daughters boyfriend and gets sent back to the castle where he learns fairly quickly that masturbation really isn’t an option.

Reason to Watch

You want to punish your son and show him what you can do to his hands if he keeps jizzin’ all over your sheets.


Pretty sure Michael Jackson was the fashion and beauty director on set.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Edward: “I’m not finished”
  • “We are looking for the man with the hands”
  • Johnny Depp only says 169 words the entire movie
  • Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey and Robert Downey Jr were considered for the roll
  • Vincent Price died after appearing in this movie, making his last appearance on screen a death scene
Educational Content

Stay out of castles, never trust a man who has blades for hands with your daughter, and there are much better ways for sadist to satisfy themselves than  building a boy toy.

Justification for Rating

There is no justification for this movie, I gave it a 3 because I liked the ice sculptures.


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Review of Theater of Blood

Comedy, Drama, Horror Comments Off on Review of Theater of Blood

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆


What does a frustrated Shakespearean actor do, when he is consistently passed up for awards by a group of critics who simply can’t see his vision? Knock them off, of course, setting up elaborate schemes, taken from the Bard himself.

Reason to Watch

I suppose that Vincent Price chewing scenery is reason enough for many cult film fanatics, but for those who need more convincing, the film is actually quite well done. The acting is on par with the British horror films of the time, and Jigsaw could learn a few things from the imaginatively horrific fates the critics suffer. (Don’t ask about the dog)


Vincent Price was a standard of 70’s British horror, and this is a perfect showpiece for his stage acting abilities.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • You begin to resent an actor if you always have to give him bad notices.
  • Critics are likely to make enemies, inspector. You can call it an occupational hazard.
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

This movie is best savored with a glass of red wine and a theater geek.


Vincent Price met his wife Carol on set during the filming of this movie.

Educational Content
  • Don’t try to get crazy hippies out of an abandoned building by yourself.
Justification for Rating

Great acting, great plot.. it makes for an enjoyable watching experience/

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