Rating:

Review

This is the story of a group of workers who have been hired to come and work for a gentleman out in the country. On the way they have to stop in a small town that looks as if it has been abandoned. They make themselves at home at a small inn and wake up the next morning to find the town does acttually have occupants. They are welcomed by the townspeople but when they go to leave they find that their van will not start. They are talked into staying for a couple of days by a woman the townspeople call the Countess and she displays great hospitality towards them. But through their days of staying there the encounter several misfortunes and many meet their end.

Reason to Watch

Although the quality of the video is horrible and the music played throughout the movie make you want to scream, there are a couple of nice tit shots from pretty hot women for the seventies. So it was not completley a waste.

Context

This moveie was made in the mid to late seventies.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

” The Countess says you can continue your work, with one arm.”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Things to do in order to make it through to the end of the movie in one sitting. First off invite your girlfriend over so that you will have something else to occupy you when you start to fall asleep. Second be sure to have the mute button on the remote on standby so when the god awful music starts you can mute it for a min or so.

Trivia

The victims were lucky in this movie because apparently the vampires teeth in this movie were not sharp. Never saw any blook or puncture wounds after a kill.

Educational Content

If you ever break down and you end up in a town that is appears to be desserted, dont go into the local bar and make yourself at home and drink the vamps booze. It might just piss them off.

Justification for Rating

I give this movie a 4.5 because of the parts that made me laugh due to the stupidity of it all. And the tit flashes gave it an extra point.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=phxtFVHfQgg

Related posts:

1. Review of Night of the Living Dead

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E26hWrZpN6Y

Rating:

Review

Its a mysterious comedy movie so that it is quite interesting and the mystery continues till end. It nearly tied the audience to their seats. The main reason to watch this movie is its comedy and maintaining the suspense till the end. Here the sound plays a vital role for the movie and also it add some tension to the movie to watch it.Another murder takes place when a main is poisoned is the most memorable scene in the movie is the one of the highlight scene throughout the movie. Great direction

Reason to Watch

The main reason to watch this movie is the comedy. Sound plays a vital role for the movie and also it adds same tension till the end of movie.

Context

The movie is only 71minutes and no boring scenes.

Most memorable quote(s)

Another murder takes place when a man is posined is the most memorable scene in the movie.

What you need to get through this movie

Before suspecting a person we have to know the actual truth.

Trivia

Its preview was on 5th December 1932 but it was released nationally on 25th December 1932.

Educational Content

Here the education context we gain is we have to know truth and also to investigate an incident before suspecting the person.

Justification for Rating

Though the movie is made in olden days . if it is colored it might be more effective.

Related posts:

1. Fan Review of King of the Zombies
2. Review of Scared to Death

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc1em5gibFo

To read an explanation of how we came across such bad reviews for such bad movies, click here.
Rating:

Review

“The film Atom Age Vampir also known as “”Seddok, l’erede di Satana”" was released on 19th August 1960.This film goes around a lady who is a singer/dancer. Unfortunately one day she meets an accident.As a result she looses her beautiful appearance. Later a doctor looks after her and give her a good look this whole process involves  many horrible scenes.To give her a good appearance the doctor will give her additional treatments using glands taken from murdered women.

These scenes are somewhat horrible to watch.In this period,she fells in love with him.The film has a somewhat low quality and poorly directed. This film is a mixture of horror and fiction. This is one of the horror movies released in the year 1960.”

Reason to Watch

Some of the scenes in the movie are poorly directed but still the story is interesting.The doctor’s action is pretty good. The doctor’s ability to turn out as a monster is really surprising. But during all this process the doctor cares her a lot and determines himself to do anything to bring Stripper Jeannette Morineau a good appearance.This is really a good thing but that caring seems to be out of bounds in some scenes. The horror was also depicted neatly ,the people who like to watch horror movies can watch this.The method of his treatment caused many people to think in a different way.

Context

It was released on 19th August 1960, at Italy. This was the most horrible movies of the year 1960

Most memorable quote(s)

“They Want Your Blood … Now!” is the unforgettable quote from the film.

What you need to get through this movie

One should be courageous to watch this movie as there are many horror scenes. When the doctor directly transplants neck glands from other women it is really terrible to watch and the audience should have guts to watch such horrible scenes.

Trivia

This film is thought provoking and worth watching. This film looks good with good with horrible debugging.The doctor’s method of treatment is interesting and at the same time horrible to watch. But his caring attitude towards the lady to get her a good appearance is good.

Educational Content

The doctor’s treatment is really interesting and thought provoking. This movie should be watched by the people who want to do things differently and more creatively.

Justification for Rating

Though some scenes are of poor quality the direction went good in some of the important scenes. Some scenes are thrilling until the suspense break out. All the actors did best of their part to make the movie successful.

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1. Fan Review of The Brain That Wouldn’t Die

Rocky Horror Picture Show

One of the greatest bad movies of bad movies, the cult film of cult films, Rocky has lived on in the hearts and minds of the alienated, marginalized, and gay youth of each generation since its 1975 debut. The Picture Show has become a right of passage for those who will one day become fans of the cult movie, the bizarre musical, and eventually, possibly, even sex. Of all cult movies, no other has a following quite like the sexually confused, camp-horror followers of the late night, double feature picture show. There is nothing quite like seeing a 200-lb Janet, complete with white underwear, dancing and singing in front of two-hundred overly-Zima’d virgins – if you have never been to a modern screening of Rocky, go. Go now. Take a camera – and a change of underwear – it will be the scariest Halloween experience you’ve ever had.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdu7xoHU9DA

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! What, no ghost with the most? I guess cirrhosis will kill even the hardiest of cult movies. Tim Burton’s ability to turn almost anything he touches into something not only instantly cultish, but also beautiful, is a testament to his sick fascination with bad science fiction films and terrible horror movies. Beetlejuice is enduring, which I think is partly due to the use of Belafonte island dance numbers in a comedy movie made “in-the-style-of” a horror film, and partly because even the bad guy seems like someone you would want to share a bottle of bourbon with. Not only is Beetlejuice great to have on as background noise at your Halloween party, but it is also something with which you can kick-start your kid’s education in cult movies.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUqtC1oiztw

Halloween

For God’s sake, it’s called Halloween, a no-brainer for a Halloween list maker. Anyway, Halloween is not just a convenient title for selling theatre seats in October, but it was also the film that created the teen babysitter slasher cliché. Now clichés are spawned from actual memorable moments, and John Carpenter’s low budget masterpiece has become a part of Americana. Jamie Lee Curtis being terrorized by Nick Castle (the same guy who directed Dennis the Menace and Major Payne – VERY scary) in an expressionless white mask created a template for future slasher films. If you’ve ever wondered where the camera angles and female stereotypes of Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street came from, look no further – but be aware, the opening credits are terrible.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GavVnUPpOjo

Night of the Living Dead

This 1968 George A. Romero über-classic cult film makes lethargic, brain hungry, stiff, undead, Reagan-loving nursing home rejects the scariest predators a small town in broke-ass PA has ever seen. I, personally, love zombie movies, and what better than one of the originals? But there is something that always bothers me about the whole zombie genre: they just don’t seem that tough. You would think that even decrepit old Stephen Hawking and pansy Andy Dick could fight at lest 60 or 70 of them, let alone a home full of adults including a black man (and we’re not talking black man like Sammy Davis, Jr; I mean like lock up your white women because you know if they go black they really aren’t going back, black man).

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mkKfUNiXRI

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Before Johnny Depp was swashbuckling his way into another awful Jerry Bruckheimer movie, he was dodging his way from child killer and winner of the 1984 Captain Grody Face Award. Freddy Kruger, one part wolverine, one part Edward Scissorhands (no Johnny Depp pun intended), and much like Helen Keller, is a hero to all psychotic serial killing burn victims. I think the premise of this movie should be well known to all of us so I will give you a little tip on how to make this movie really scary. I like to pop a hand full of melatonin and wash it down with a nice glass of warm milk and pray to God that I don’t crap myself.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4JwoAg0jnA

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1. 10 Bad Movies You Didn’t Know You Loved
2. 5 Movies Better Left as Video Games
3. Review of Blood Feast

Rating:

Review

If I told you that a movie had blood, guts, gore, and a Playboy model, you would probably be pretty excited, right? Don’t pull your pants down just yet: Blood Feast is an abomination of all that is horrific.

Fuad Ramses is the proprietor of an Egyptian catering business when said Playmate’s mom rings up and asks him to prepare something… different. Ramses, of course, suggests something… Egyptian: an Egyptian Feast! Little does any know (although they should, given that they explain to everyone at every chance possible exactly what an Egyptian Feast consists of), all of the murders that have been happening lately are just Ramses collecting the ingredients for said feast. Good thing your typical Keystone Cops are on the case (yeesh!).

Reason to Watch

Though the acting is deplorable, the sound is terrible, and the direction is weak, there are a couple of scenes of absolute gore which save this from being a complete waste of time.

Most memorable quote(s)

• “Well Frank, it looks like one of those long hard ones!”
• “Ramses was the killer we’ve been looking for. Mrs. Fremont, I’m afraid this feast is evidence of murder!” “Oh dear! The guests will have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight.”

What you need to get through this movie

With it’s grossly inept police officers, one dozen jelly donuts, a pot of coffee per person, and some cocaine planted on a minority is absolutely required to survive this Blood Feast.

Trivia

This piece of trash was (poorly) edited by Robert Sinise, the father of Lt. Dan himself, Gary Sinise.

Educational Content

1. You can pull someone’s tongue out if you pull hard enough, and it’s a good way to keep them from screaming.
2. Cops are stupid. Trust me.
3. Ancient Egyptians were white.
4. No matter how obvious your plot, it’s always best to be completely sure that no one is left in the cold by having every detail explained at the end by the detective who was never even once hot on the perpetrator’s tail.
5. If you join an occult book club, you will lose body parts for stew.

Justification for Rating

Though made of pure suck, there is a good amount of blood and guts to squeeze out the one and one-half stars we give it.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQEQ_RVClrY

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Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, while maybe not so awful it would make you want rip out your eyes with wasabi-tipped chopsticks, it is most certainly way overhyped. Even A-list celebrities (Alec Baldwin, Ving Rhames, and Steve Buscemi) and state of the art CGI aren’t enough to make this movie watchable more than once. A bland story line that’s not up to par with any of the games makes me wish that I hadn’t doled out my eight bucks to see this in the theater.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnE64DbnUzY

Street Fighter: The Movie

This movie is so bad that I truly believe that it killed my beloved Raul Julia. If you have ever played the Street Fighter series, you already know the plot. A couple of gay guys in their blue and red karate outfits “hadouken” their way in and out of trouble with one-eyed warlords and eccentric generals obsessed with the love of world damnation (domination?) and super-science.  Somehow a star at the time, the very Belgian and also probably very gay Jean-Claude Van Damme plays the Super American “Colonel Guile”. Much like the game, when this is on I have to watch but then soon realize why I hate it – it just goes on and on with no point, fighting the same fight, and doing the same damn cheat moves. DAMN YOU RYU!!!!!!

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=avXsM2n2oqg

Double Dragon

Ah, 1994. A great time! Clinton was in the White House, Phil Hartman was still alive, and Kurt Cobain’s head was splattered all over his garage. What wasn’t great was the live-action movie of one of the greatest NES games of all time. The Double Dragon movie is so bad that anytime I even hear about it, I force carnal thoughts of Cloris Leachman upon myself just to get the thought of it out of my mind. The only thing that saves this from being the worst video game movie ever is Alyssa Milano and the creepy burn victim Bo Abobo saying, “Wut Up Chikin Butt?”.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qa8eF3VLDsE

Super Mario Brothers

Here’s an idea: take the most iconic video game franchise ever and see what happens if we let the guys who brought us Max Headroom make a movie out of it and see what happens. I’ll tell you what will happen: it will suck, and not just in that “Hey, did you just see that Adam Sandler movie?” way. I mean really suck, like you’re stuck in line for the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat taco bar and the guy in front of you is Louie Anderson. Nothing in this movie made any sense. Dennis Hopper was freaking King Koopa. The studio would have done better if they went to a costume store, bought a Godzilla outfit, and paid a bum with Olde English 800 and McRib sandwiches to run around saying “Rawww”. I would rather go to an autoerotic asphyxiation party with Patty Hurst and the guys from INXS than have to watch this again.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd-h8q-C58k

Mortal Kombat 2: Annihilation

This is it! Not only the worst video game movie I have ever seen, it’s in the running for worst movie ever made. Mortal Kombat 2 is so bad that it is said it was used as a torture device at Guantanamo Bay until it was deemed too cruel for human viewing. While I have no proof of this, I think the director stole 80% of the budget and ran to Mexico for a huge Coke party and left his duties to a 9-year-old Filipino Down’s syndrome kid on twenty hits of acid. While in theory this may sound like a way to get a box office smash, in practice, it’s not so good. May death come swiftly to those who watch this.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HbNLiR1trY

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2. The Definitive Top Ten Halloween Movies
3. Review of Izo

Rating:

Review

Kazumi (Jon Moritsugu) and his girlfriend, Eightball, are just trying to make it by until the next score while his mom chats up the pizza boy, dad prepares for armageddon, brother Marvin discovers his sexuality, and sister Holly makes plans for a getaway. Bizarre, bloody, and gut-bustingly hilarious, Terminal USA is the best cult film ever made that you may never see. With zero distribution and cult video stores falling off the face of the planet, this gem will most likely slip further into cult obscurity (which is way worse than regular obscurity).

Reason to Watch

If for no other reason, Terminal USA is worth an hour out of your life for Marvin’s bizarre sexual awakening and fetish fulfillment at the hands of a group of violent skinheads.

Context

In 1993, real independent film was not yet considered a viable commodity (Pulp Fiction had not yet been released), so films like this were made on the cheap and then used to prop up wobbly desks. If Terminal USA had waited a year or so, it could easily have been one of the best cult movies ever.

Most memorable quote(s)

• “I am the pervert in the back bedroom!”
• “It’s a load of crap straight out the donkey’s ass!”
• “Confucius say, ‘Hospitals are for pussies.’”
• “You really sizzled my wiener, last night, girlie.”

What you need to get through this movie

With its ability to fit a ton of awesome into less than an hour, shove an “eightball” of lello up the nose to enjoy this film at maximum cool.

Trivia

Jon Moritsugu convinced PBS to finance a documentary about Japanese-Americans and instead made this fictional piece. It did, however, air on PBS between 1994-95.

Educational Content

1. Japanese-Americans can be just as fucked up as any Caucasian one.
2. Rocking horses provide the for the best masturbatory tools.
3. Skinheads will get you and your entire family if you fuck with them.
4. The Asian sex-slave trade is alive and well.
5. Americans can’t tell the difference between Chinks and Japs.
6. That hot phone-sex operator you call is really just a dude in drag. Why he dresses up to talk on the phone, we’ll never know.

Justification for Rating

Terminal USA is nearly perfect in every way. That’s all.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rTHvMfDVBE

Related posts:

1. Review of Izo

The Giant Gila Monster

What sets this classic 50s Sci-Fi fiasco apart from other giant monster movies is its complete lack of respect for the laws of the giant monster movie. Rule 1: Giant Monsters come from a complete disregard for the laws of nature. This is where the moral of the story comes in – don’t pollute, clone, or mongrelize the races, or a 40-foot tall salamander will eat your family. This rule is broken by simply not explaining where the Gila Monster came from, what it wants, and how to reverse the science that created it. Rule 2: Keep the monster mysterious. Well, the opening scene shows the angry man in the lizard suit, so that’s right out. Rule 3: Get another monster to kill it. Our hero, Chase, kills the monster by driving a 50s hotrod stuffed with nitroglycerin into the beast – of course.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=siRaaXczANo

The Toxic Avenger II

Simply one of the greatest bad movies of all time! Troma outdid themselves with a 10-minute opening fight scene where the world’s greatest, hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength from New Jersey beats, blends, crushes, and rips apart a random assortment of stereotypes before traveling to Japan (by windsurfing) to find his dad. Toxie, as his friends call him, an ex-janitor, travels to Tokyo and learns the finer points of Japanese life and culture. He bathes in a traditional Japanese sento (bath house), eats shabu-shabu, and fights evil. I would strongly recommend drinking large quantities of sake and Drano® for this one.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sbBFROaJ-k

Brain Damage

If you ever find yourself attached to a brain-eating worm that looks like a penis and enjoys bad jokes, then Brain Damage is perfect for you. Did I mention he injects LSD and happiness directly into your spinal column? Complete with violence, exploding heads, anonymous sex in back alleys, and something that was either another exploding head or a Buddha-style enlightenment moment. The shear simplicity of the plot (as far as LSD injecting, brain eating worm plots can be simple) will leave you feeling spiritually in touch… or possibly wanting to jab a cheese knife in your ear – one or the other.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyXbjg1zdD4

Dead Alive

Possibly the bloodiest movie ever, this early Peter Jackson film is brilliant beyond your wildest dreams, especially if you only know him from those Lord of the Rings films. Look out for an especially disgusting scene that will change the way you look at custard forever, and the murder of hundreds of zombies with a gas-powered lawn mower. And a zombie pastor screwing a zombie nurse. And an partially-digested dog. And…

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxcyAkSQKZw

Forbidden Zone

This musical gem gets forgotten when compared to the slightly less awesome Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it’s worth seeking out. This movie absolutely has it all: drugs, alcohol, sex, tits, violence, love, jealousy, Satan, giant frogs, midgets, jock straps, blackface, stockings, blood, decapitations, chickens… Too bad it doesn’t get its just rewards as the greatest cult musical of all time!

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3Uh-AFFDys

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1. The Definitive Top Ten Halloween Movies
2. 5 Movies Better Left as Video Games
3. Review of Blood Feast

Rating:

Review

You have to love a film with more titles than substance. Gallery of Horrors aka Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors aka The Blood Suckers aka Alien Massacre aka Return from the Past, or whatever the hell its called, is a compilation of five short stories: “The Witch’s Clock,” “The Spark of Life,” “Monster Raid,” “King Vampire,” and “Count Alucard” – which is credited as “Count Dracula” just to be nice and inconsistent. What makes each of these shorts so unbelievably bad/good is not the comically poor acting, the seemingly endless use of the same ten seconds of stock footage or the clichéd plots, but rather, the “surprise” endings of each sketch. Each short ends with that a “dun dun duh!” kind of style, only lacking in any surprise whatsoever. The “who would have guessed that the guy-dressed-as-a-vampire was a vampire” type of endings will leave you in hysterics. The main issue I had with it is that one title is “Alien Massacre” – and there wasn’t one bloody alien in sight!

Reason to Watch

You can play a drinking game where every time you see the same shot reused, you have to take a shot and every time you guess an ending wrong you have to take five.

Context

1967 saw out the summer of love, with a hundred thousand hippies eating acid, listening to the best music ever written and discussing art, science, religion and politics…badly. It witnessed the first heart transplant, the first Super Bowl, the first Earth Day and the first airing of Sesame Street. On the film side we had “Cool Hand Luke” and “The Graduate.” And “Gallery of Horrors.” Well, nothing’s perfect.

What you need to get through this movie

I would highly recommend having at least five Manhattans in you before sitting down with the Gallery.

Trivia

What’s even stranger than the plot(s) of this film is its cast. Rochelle Hudson was a true Hollywood leading lady. She quit the movie business after this grand finale of a film, probably because of how embarrassing it was. Lon Chaney Jr. was enough of a horror star to make it onto the 32¢ US horror movie commemorative postage stamps! John Carradine was a massively prolific character actor and ended up with a Daytime Emmy and a Star on the Walk of Fame. What the hell were these people doing in this low budget piece of trash?! The answer: David L. Hewitt. The man had a flare for hiring once-popular-and-now-cheap actors to star in his no-budget disasters. This movie is so bad that you absolutely have to see it.

Educational Content

1. The pilgrims built massive gothic stone castle in Massachusetts.
2. All the castles were exactly the same.
3. They apparently also built these castles in Scotland and Transylvania.
4. Sometimes the door to the dungeon of the castle is the door to the castle and sometimes it’s the door to the dungeon (depending on which continent the castle resides.)
5. People in Transelvania where lederhosen and speak with “I vant to suck-eur-blud” accents, but vampires sound French.
6. Mid 18th century Scotland was inhabited entirely by Americans. And they had 1960s telephones.
7. Really movies have at least five or six alternate titles. The REALLY good ones will also have five or so subtitles (that are different depending on the version of the main title and are credited differently on the title cards from the credits.) This is to show they are at least five or six times better than your silly movie with only one title.
8. The only twist that should be in some films should be the lime in my Manhattan.

Justification for Rating

As far as being bad enough to be good goes, this falls a little short. I would suggest being in extreme states of conscious to enjoy this, or be one of those weird people (like myself) who is happy to laugh at someone else’s’ misfortune. This film would make a great drinking game though.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tGInf8GrGk

No related posts.