Review of Edward Scissorhands

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Rating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆


The movie starts off with this old man in a castle. He was a lonely old man who wanted somebody to use as his sex slave so he created a son. Now, not only did the thought of incest turn him on, but this old man was a real S & M fan as well. He made the sons hands from blades, hoping to finally reach the ultimate orgasm. In the excitement of seeing his creation coming to life, the old man croaked. Now, down in the valley was a goody goody Mrs. Cleaver type woman who found Edward Scissorhands and decided she needed to fill the empty void in her life so she took him home. Edward falls in love with her daughter, which was doomed from the start. All the neighbors must have been sadist as well, because they just can’t wait for him to put his blades all over them. He ends up killing the daughters boyfriend and gets sent back to the castle where he learns fairly quickly that masturbation really isn’t an option.

Reason to Watch

You want to punish your son and show him what you can do to his hands if he keeps jizzin’ all over your sheets.


Pretty sure Michael Jackson was the fashion and beauty director on set.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Edward: “I’m not finished”
  • “We are looking for the man with the hands”
  • Johnny Depp only says 169 words the entire movie
  • Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey and Robert Downey Jr were considered for the roll
  • Vincent Price died after appearing in this movie, making his last appearance on screen a death scene
Educational Content

Stay out of castles, never trust a man who has blades for hands with your daughter, and there are much better ways for sadist to satisfy themselves than  building a boy toy.

Justification for Rating

There is no justification for this movie, I gave it a 3 because I liked the ice sculptures.


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