Scifi

Review of Idaho Transfer

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Idaho TransferRating: ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

This movie sucks so hard it could turn itself inside out. Director Peter Fonda manages to take time travel and global apocalypse and make it as boring as walking through a grey baron wasteland… which, ironically, is what this film mostly consists of. The scary thing is, there actually seems to be real debate about whether this film is any good. Personally I think it is like Muholland Drive, ask someone what they thought of the movie and say they loved it, ask them what hell was going on and they have no idea. The only reason they said they loved is because they didn’t get it and don’t want to look stupid.
So Idaho Transfer tells the story of researchers who discover time travel, then they find out that in the future all life is destroyed so they travel further into the future to repopulate the human race, only they are now infertile so the whole thing was a big waste of time.

Reason to Watch

What makes a bad movie a good one is over the top campy acting, shaky sets, wild arguments, explosive characters and mosters, but here we are dumped on a baron rock with obnoxious kids. There is no gore, even when the girl gets her head smashed into a rock. I’m sure I did more damage to my head banging it against the wall as I forced myself to watch this pretentious crap. But if you want a reason to see it, watch it so you know how much better you can do with camcorder and your mates.

Context

This film was made as the hippy era was coming to an end and most people started not to care so much about the environment anymore. Nam and government corruption was bringing everyone down as Nixon faced the Watergate scandal. This was a film aimed at the youth, but by the time film was released the youth no longer cared and this film disappeared.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

“The oldest ones we saw were about 30, they don’t live very long and just gurgle and bump around”
“Some are so retarded they can’t even find food”
“He wants to be alone now! Don’t look for him!”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Don’t smoke dope, this film is tough enough with trying to enhance the experience. This is all about survival, I suggest just have your mom come in every five minutes and slap you in the face.

Trivia

This was the beginning and ending for almost every ‘actor’ in the film, not one went on to do anything even remotely interesting.
The film ends with the quote “Esto Perpetua” which despite popular thought is not Latin for “You Wasted Your Life” but actually means “It is forever” and is the motto of the state of Idaho, which is quite depressing really.

Educational Content

1. In future people dress in silver and use humans for fuel.
2. Time travel is best left to the kids in skimpy underwear.
3. It turns out the future is a really boring place to be.

Justification for Rating

Peter Fonda only directed 3 films and the only good thing he did in this film was make sure he wasn’t in it. Of all the great landscapes in the world why did he have to pick Idaho’s baron wastelands. The film thinks it is smart, but gaping plot holes, flat acting and a budget that could barely rival your local high-school’s production of Our Town make this a dull and annoying experience. What I would give for a zombie, some blood or pointless nudity.

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Horror

Review of Horror Express

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Horror ExpressRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

Horror Express, is the story of a scientist who has discoverd an acient fossil and his desire to transport it back home aboard a train. The scientist traveling with his assitant put the fossil in a crate to keep prying eyes away. However, trouble starts right away on this tran-siberian train as a thief attempts to take look inside the crate. Needless to say the thief is instanly struck with death after viewing the fossil. No one knows what kill the man but they all notice that his eyes are bleeding and white. Our dear scientist has an aide, a fellow scientist, who is also eager to find out whats in the crate. This aide pays a baggage handler to take a look and of course he’s killed. Soon everyone is in uproar over these murders. The storyline brings in a monk traveling with a count and his wife and a inspector. The monk declares the crate evil and the inspectors searches for a murderer. Before the movie ends more characters and zombie enters and the mystery of the fossil is uncovered.

Reason to Watch

Horror Express, is an excellent movie to view. It’s gives us a story of the scientist who as unearth the ultimate evil along with premise of outer space travelers. Add on zombies and I ask you what more could you want? Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are always giving there best and we get to see Cushing cut someones head off.

Context

The film was made in Madrid in the early seventies and Cushing and Lee during this period were still considered the best actors of the B-movie genre. Securing the two men for the movie was a coup for both the director and the producer.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

1. “Smooth as a baby’s bottom!” One of the characters commenting on the condition of a dead man’s brain.
2. ” You think evil can be killed with bullets? Satan lives. The Unholy One is among us.” The monk like priest making a profound statement regarding evil.

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

I recommend you get out the beer and chips for this one. Horror Express, is a movie that tries to take itself serious by giving us the premise of a train ride that ones can’t get off of.Well as a viewer am telling you your the only one trapped aboard for the ride.

Trivia

1.The movie was filmed without sound with all the voices and other sounds being added later.
2. The trains interior scenes and the exterior scenes were filmed using sets from the movie Poncho Villa.

Educational Content

1. Never knew it took so little equipment to do an autopsy.
2. Never knew that trains continue to run even when dead people are being found. Thats dedication to arriving on time.
3. Can an autopsy really reveal that your memory and knowledge are gone?

Justification for Rating

This movie gets a seven for it’s originality. The Horror Express, starts off with a good premise and introduces different plots that are blended into the story very well. A ghoul movie that will keep you interested.

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Comedy

Review of Terminal USA

Comedy 8 Comments »

Rating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Kazumi (Jon Moritsugu) and his girlfriend, Eightball, are just trying to make it by until the next score while his mom chats up the pizza boy, dad prepares for armageddon, brother Marvin discovers his sexuality, and sister Holly makes plans for a getaway. Bizarre, bloody, and gut-bustingly hilarious, Terminal USA is the best cult film ever made that you may never see. With zero distribution and cult video stores falling off the face of the planet, this gem will most likely slip further into cult obscurity (which is way worse than regular obscurity).

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Horror

Review of Izo

Horror 2 Comments »

Rating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Izo is a demonic schizophrenic misogynist ronin killing machine with the ability to time travel. Izo is bent on reaching his goal of achieving “divine retribution,” no matter how many people he has to kill in horrible, horrible ways. The blood does not stop in this movie, be it from decapitation or sex. No one is immune from Izo’s wrath – just ask his mother or the garbage men. Read the rest of this entry »

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