Drama

Review of Night of the Comet

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Night of the CometRating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Review

1984 is wholly drowning in science-fiction oddities. Some of them fail miserably and others are quaint and retreaded, though sort of intriguing. Night of the Comet is unabashedly open to taking in influences from many mediums and genres, sort of crafting a romance story around a science-fiction tale, capping it with humor and drama alike. Night of the Comet isn’t particuarly good, but for what it does, you come to appreciation the seamlessness of making so many types of movies in one and having it turn less into a hodge podge mess and something not entirely pretentious. Night of the Comet is quiet for all its exaggerated tendencies, and the film comes and goes without making a huge splash, but a quiet simmer that will stick for some time. Like a slow kiss and not meaningless mediocre sex, Night of the Comet is pretty and interesting, and for sci-fi in the 80’s, that’s about as modest as it gets.

Reason to Watch

Night of the Comet does a lot right, and doesn’t focus on one thing to drive the characters through their silly story.

Context

The film’s charming elements are helped further by a story that actually sort of makes sense, something akin to a god-like impossibility in mid-80’s science-fiction realm.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Willy: You wouldn’t believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare you wouldn’t believe. 
  • Regina Belmont: C’mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A nice cup of coffee and your viewing glasses, this contradicts the absurdity with a little bit of wholesome goodness

Trivia
  • The original working title for the film was Teenage Mutant Horror Comet Zombies.
  • The Shopping Mall featured in Night of the Comet was the Sherman Oaks Galleria. The Galleria has been used for several movies including Terminator and Fast Times at Ridegmont High.
Educational Content

If famed gruesome horror/children’s film director Robert Rodriguez likes something, it’s probably good

Malls are creepy when empty

If Night of the Comet does something right, they remind you that Dawn of the Dead is a good movie

Justification for Rating

Unlike many cult films, Night of the Comet is a legitimate engrossing movie. it takes influences from many different sources, yet on its own, its a nice mix of many different things that work well together, as opposed to a blender of random items that make a chunky gross brown smoothie.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91xWXTIwTwM

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Action

Review of Demolition Man

Action 1 Comment »

Demolition ManRating: ★★★★★★★★★☆

Review

Demolition Man is one of the most relentless action movies not starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Before Steven Seagal made it cool, Wesley Snipes was killing innocent people left and right. Ok, not really, but Demolition Man is relentless, fast-paced, and totally MAN. There’s enough testosterone hear to fill a pool, which only barely makes sense, just like the science-fiction future plot lines threading through the whole first half of this movie. but when you realize it doesn’t have to make sense, and Sylvester Stallone is going to crack a skull, the movie becomes entirely clear- we are seeing action film at its best. Demolition Man is probably an hour and a half longer than it needs to be, but there is something truly special about a white man and a black man duking it out for the future of the races- in the future! that IS what this thing is about right?

Reason to Watch

Sandra Bullock is actually attractive here. Oh, and the final sequence is one of the best things ever put on film next to the middle half of Gone With the Wind, another relentless action flick.

Context

Demolition Man is stupidly awesome, and the best thing ever,  and if you want proof, look at the list of actors and the director, who has directed this movie ONLY and not another before or since.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • John Spartan: You’re gonna regret this the rest of your life… both seconds of it. 
  • Simon Phoenix: Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns? 
  • Boggle Guard: Mellow greetings. What seems to be your boggle?
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Three cases of beer, a dead shark wrestled with your bare hands, and a pet grizzly bear who feeds you cake and recites lines all Stallone’s lines

Trivia

Sylvester Stallone wanted the Simon Phoenix character to be played by Jackie Chan. Chan refused, since Asian audiences don’t like the idea of actors who have always played heroes suddenly playing evil characters

The “ray gun” used by Wesley Snipes in the Museum Armory sequence is based on the Heckler and Koch G11, a prototype weapon for the German army that would have been the most advanced rifle in the world, firing caseless ammunition

Educational Content

Being frozen for 44 years has awkward side effects

Jackie Chan can’t play a villian

John Spartan, the name, induces immediate fear

Justification for Rating

No matter how you cut it, Demolition Man is pure badassery and unrelentingly violent and borderline misogynistic- hence the 9 rating

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCagn9-OUQk

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Scifi

Review of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

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The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th DimensioRating: ★★★★★★★★★★

Review

On the surface, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension is not a good move. I would not disagree if you though it was, in fact, a terrible abysmal film. Yet Buckaroo Banzai does something few films have managed to do well- it was brilliantly spoofed the entire science-fiction genre. it has played on the cliches and basic ideological bullshit stuffed into them, while being engrossing and entertaining throughout. The film is smarter and better than most its peers, and stands as just a ridiculous example of film making. Everything about this film cries out as being the last calling card for all sci-fi byproducts. None are greater than the one that single-handedly mocked all the cliches of the times in one fell swoop.

Reason to Watch

Buckaroo Banzai might kick your ass if you do not. Personally, I like my ass intact and have ordered a new copy of Buckaroo Banzai Across whatever through Amazon.

Context

It’s like Dune, except not as pretentious and bloated and more streamlined and awesome.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Perfect Tommy: Pictures don’t lie. 
    Reno: The hell they don’t. I met my first wife that way. 
  • John O’Connor: They’re only monkey-boys. We can crush them here on earth, Lord Whorfin. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

An awesome open mind and appreciation for Banzai, the Chuck Norris of his time.

Trivia
  • The latitude and longitude recited by the technicians during the “alignment” of the Oscillation Overthruster are the coordinates of Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • President Widmark is clearly intended to look and sound like Orson Welles, who directed and starred in the radio presentation of “War of the Worlds” referenced in the film.
Educational Content

Well, for starters, there is an 8th dimension

Science fiction films as a whole are sort of dumb, no matter how many dimensions they add

Justification for Rating

However you spin it, this science fiction spoof is smarter, wittier, and basically superior to any legitimate science-fiction film ever made. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy holds its own as a film, but this came out decades before and stands the test of the time as the final capstone on terrible science-fiction, and what a way to bow out.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NG8Ipk9CnU

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Fantasy

Review of Edward Scissorhands

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Rating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

The movie starts off with this old man in a castle. He was a lonely old man who wanted somebody to use as his sex slave so he created a son. Now, not only did the thought of incest turn him on, but this old man was a real S & M fan as well. He made the sons hands from blades, hoping to finally reach the ultimate orgasm. In the excitement of seeing his creation coming to life, the old man croaked. Now, down in the valley was a goody goody Mrs. Cleaver type woman who found Edward Scissorhands and decided she needed to fill the empty void in her life so she took him home. Edward falls in love with her daughter, which was doomed from the start. All the neighbors must have been sadist as well, because they just can’t wait for him to put his blades all over them. He ends up killing the daughters boyfriend and gets sent back to the castle where he learns fairly quickly that masturbation really isn’t an option.

Reason to Watch

You want to punish your son and show him what you can do to his hands if he keeps jizzin’ all over your sheets.

Context

Pretty sure Michael Jackson was the fashion and beauty director on set.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Edward: “I’m not finished”
  • “We are looking for the man with the hands”
Trivia
  • Johnny Depp only says 169 words the entire movie
  • Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey and Robert Downey Jr were considered for the roll
  • Vincent Price died after appearing in this movie, making his last appearance on screen a death scene
Educational Content

Stay out of castles, never trust a man who has blades for hands with your daughter, and there are much better ways for sadist to satisfy themselves than  building a boy toy.

Justification for Rating

There is no justification for this movie, I gave it a 3 because I liked the ice sculptures.

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Horror

Review of Bad Taste

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Peter Jacksons Bad TasteRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

When four members of the New Zealand Astro Investigation and Defence Service (AIDS – well the movie is called bad taste) visit a small town in order to investigate a UFO siting they make some grisly discoveries and unveil a dastardly alien plot. The townsfolk have been murdered by aliens who, it turns out, are from the intergalactic fast food chain Crumb’s Crunchy Delights and human flesh is the delicacy they are seeking. A gore-fest ensues as Derek and his team do battle with the evil aliens. Lots of blood with a large dose of tongue-in cheek humor.

At times the movie has a somewhat amateurish feel but, for me, that just adds to its charm. Given that Peter Jackson made the film largely in his spare time, with the cast made up of friends and a budget tighter than a ducks ass I think a little slack should be cut.

Reason to Watch

Lots of gore, plenty of humor, man-eating aliens and an exploding sheep, what more could you ask for?

Context

Made over a four year period and funded by himself initially and completed with a grant from the New Zealand Film Commission. Peter Jacksons’ first foray into film – enough said really, a birth of a movie great.

Most Memorable Quotes

“I’m a Derek and Dereks don’t run!”

“Why can’t aliens be friendly?”

What You Need To Get Through This Movie

A real late-night beer and friends movie and it is preferable to have already had a few prior to starting the film. A love of gore certainly helps and also those from the US need an understanding that a “mate” has a different meaning outside of the USA. Possibly also a visit to Christians of Facebook to really feel terrible.

Trivia

The film contains the only known cinematic depiction of a sheep being blown up with an anti-tank missile.

Educational Content
  1. People carrying axes are rarely friendly.
  2. Having a bayonet hammered into your heel hurts.
  3. Blood is very slippery so make sure to mop it up before someone gets hurt.
  4. Throwing pine cones at someone who has a chainsaw is likely to be an ineffective form of defence.
  5. Kicking a decapitated torso in the balls accomplishes very little.
Justification for Rating

The film has plenty of gore and enough humorous moments to make-up for some of its’ shortfalls.

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