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Review

Ah, clowns. For all of the joy and laughter they attempt to bring to children and adults alike, one just cannot help but be creeped out by them. Perhaps it’s the incessant, unwavering smile; it makes it impossible to gauge their emotions, so we see them as sociopathic machines. Maybe it’s the ingrained fear that they are all John Wayne Gacy under the white face and red nose. Regardless of the reason, clowns are fucking scary, and Director Marcus Koch takes advantage of this fact in his 2007 film, 100 Tears.
Gurdy is the king badass of your killer clown genre. Using a cartoon-sized meat cleaver, he out-butchers Pennywise, the Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and Pogo the Clown combined, and within the first quarter of the movie. Killing with indifference, Gurdy mercilessly disembowels girls, slaughters invalids, and tortures teens for the length of the movie. And it never gets old.
Sure, there’s more story to the story (something about tabloid reporters and midgets), but 100 Tears’ true brilliance shines through in the relentless blood-letting and the quite believable and disgusting special effects and makeup. No CGI here, kids; this movie is filled with good, old-fashioned latex-head decapitations and fake-blood bonanzas.

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Rocky Horror Picture Show

One of the greatest bad movies of bad movies, the cult film of cult films, Rocky has lived on in the hearts and minds of the alienated, marginalized, and gay youth of each generation since its 1975 debut. The Picture Show has become a right of passage for those who will one day become fans of the cult movie, the bizarre musical, and eventually, possibly, even sex. Of all cult movies, no other has a following quite like the sexually confused, camp-horror followers of the late night, double feature picture show. There is nothing quite like seeing a 200-lb Janet, complete with white underwear, dancing and singing in front of two-hundred overly-Zima’d virgins – if you have never been to a modern screening of Rocky, go. Go now. Take a camera – and a change of underwear – it will be the scariest Halloween experience you’ve ever had. Read the rest of this entry »

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Review

If I told you that a movie had blood, guts, gore, and a Playboy model, you would probably be pretty excited, right? Don’t pull your pants down just yet: Blood Feast is an abomination of all that is horrific.

Fuad Ramses is the proprietor of an Egyptian catering business when said Playmate’s mom rings up and asks him to prepare something… different. Ramses, of course, suggests something… Egyptian: an Egyptian Feast! Little does any know (although they should, given that they explain to everyone at every chance possible exactly what an Egyptian Feast consists of), all of the murders that have been happening lately are just Ramses collecting the ingredients for said feast. Good thing your typical Keystone Cops are on the case (yeesh!). Read the rest of this entry »

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Poor fellow Henry Spencer has knocked up Mary X and her insane parents insist that he now has to do the right thing. The only problem is, the baby is a weird mutant sheep thing, incessantly crying and getting a disgustiing cough every ten seconds. Yech!! What’s a guy to do but escape into a fantasy world of, well, imaginary seed pod worms, gigantic sperm, and mash potato-cheeked singing whores? That’s what, I guess.

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Review

This 1959 Roger Corman film is a great example of B-Movies gone good. Walter Paisley is an inept artist working as a busboy at The Yellow Door, the heppest beatnik club around. When he accidentally kills his landlord’s cat, inspiration strikes and his fame is assured. Read the rest of this entry »