www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UmD52VIJ5g
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Review

“The movie is about a stupid girl with her unreasonable experiments on men. This was presented by the director in a manner that not everybody can enjoy. Here in this movie their is no need to wonder what madane frankenstein would have actually done with the bulging baldy. she creates if she was given half a chance.

The cock on table changes position between shorts when the wild bunch is telling jessie james the robbery plan and their legendary outlaw of old west jesse james,on the run from marshall,macphee,hides out in the castle.”

Reason to Watch

Relentlessly seriousness take places until end of the movie

Context

Most part of the movie picturized at corrigaville, California usa

Most memorable quote(s)

Maria,”You have already caused the death of three children and violated the graves of others just to make experiments”.

What you need to get through this movie

Movie is just as a comedy, the horror is mixed normally along with comedy

Trivia

This was estelita rodriquez last movie acted, she died on the same year under mysterious circumstances.

Educational Content

Experiments performed by anyone should be done good to the society.

Justification for Rating

Experiments shown in the movie is not useful to the generation at present

Related posts:

1. Fan Review – The Child Molester – Part 1

7. GoldenEye

Coming in at number seven is the seventeenth Bond film, Goldeneye. The reason it makes the list is simple: the end of the short-lived Timothy Dalton era and the beginning of the modern Bond age.  There’s always that suspicion between Bond films of the new guy, and Pierce Brosnan could have been a lot worse. He brought back the playfulness that had been missing with ol’ Tim. Dalton played Bond pretty dark, and the freshness of the ass-patting and silly gadgetry allowed the welcome reminiscing of the Roger Moore days. The plot wasn’t bad, the girls were hot, and the explosions had that big-budget feel.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUNP9xrOBd4

6. Goldfinger

Hands down the winner of the best-sexual-double-entendre film award. With Miss Pussy Galore being such a cunning linguist, killing beautiful women by painting their naked bodies with gold paint, and trying to take Sean Connery with a laser, Goldfinger became the Bond movie template for future films. As the third film, it really stood out compared to the first two in being so much more about the suave secret agent rather than the story like No and Russia were. We also see the beginnings of the gadgetry that would occasionally get out of hand in the Bond series. Besides that, the film is entertaining in the purest sense, funny, clever, and action-packed.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1TmeBd9338

5. Live and Let Die

Like a few of the films on this list, Live and Let Die is great because of that switch between actors playing Bond working against the odds and popular opinion. Roger Moore brought a much cheekier version of 007, twice the ass-patting, more innuendo, and hope to kids not blessed with black hair, that they can still grow up to be super spies. Live and Let Die is almost a blaxploitation flick, with fantastic stereotypical characters like Mr. Big, a jive-talking, drug-dealing brother complete with a posse of afro-sporting, heat-packing, big, bad ‘n’ black henchmen. The 8th Bond film is unusual in that our bad guy is not interested in taking over the world, but rather in expanding his heroin empire (by giving away two tons of free smack!). It’s even weirder when you consider the psychic love interest, the voodoo witchdoctors assassins, and Moore escaping crocodiles by running over their backs.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ySyZ8-RS6g

4. You Only Live Twice

Although not as good as the movies below, You Only Live Twice might be my personal favorite. I think that this is probably for a number of reasons. First, it’s set in Japan (a place I’ve been obsessed with forever, and even lived), the screenplay was written by Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate factory), it’s our first view of Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s face, and finally, it was the triadic end to the Connery Bond era. With a plot that borders on the ridiculous, You Only Live Twice is pure fun. Giant volcanic bases, spaceships that eat other spaceships, gadgets galore, and suitcase-helicopters armed to the teeth all make the fifth film the stuff that parody’s dreams are made of.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=21poI4ZmIRU

3. From Russia with Love

Possibly the most beautifully shot of the Bond films, From Russia with Love is often critiqued as the best of the series. While brilliant, it had the unfortunate luck of being the second of the Bond movies, and hence has to compete standing next to Dr. No. Still, Russia is still a phenomenal film on its own.  The relatively slow pace of the film raises the tension to that of more of a thriller than an action film. The close-quarter fight scenes on the Orient Express became a hallmark of Bond’s style and the beautiful, 1960 Miss Universe runner-up Daniela Bianchi as Tatiana makes you wish that bikinis where acceptable snow dress.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqAOf66o1Wg

2. Casino Royale

Maybe the reason that Casino got so high on the list is it’s the newest (for a few days) of the Bonds and it did something that very few 007 movies, and indeed, most movies, manage to do – exceed expectations. Daniel Craig was actually good, and brought his own interpretation of Bondness (as they all do), but more than that, after the gaudiness of the previous few, the slickness and modernism of the film was so refreshing  that it revitalized the franchise.  Perhaps it was touching on an Ian Fleming novel (although a very liberal touch), but something about Casino Royale feels more like the older films: more charm than gadgetry, more style and explosions.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl5WHj0bZ2Q

1. Dr. No

What can you really say about the film that started it all?  Dr. No gave us the gun-barrel shooting opening, the stylized, musical credits and the establishment of Bond as a man of “now” – the never changing, forty-something ladies’-man. It also gave the world one of sexiest cinematic moments when Ursula Andress walked out of the blue, Crab Key waters in that white bikini… and also probably permanently skewed my young brain toward blondes for the rest of my life. Although a lifetime apart, Casino Royale and Dr. No have that original literary feel to them, and maybe that’s why I love them so. Dr. No’s low budget (one MLLLLLLION dollars!) forced Terence Young to use style rather than explosives.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAu20TEk-ag

No related posts.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Review

Koyaanisqatsi is a little harder to review than most. There are no characters and no dialogue and no blatant plot. It is at times beautiful, at others sad, and at still other times terrifying or disgusting. Koyaanisqatsi is simply a film of the world, her people, and what they have done and will do to perpetuate life. It is moving art; slow, meandering shots of the beautiful California deserts, juxtaposed against the super-fast everyday life at a hot dog packaging plant, transitioning into crowds of people herding in and out of shopping malls like the cattle we can sometimes emulate, and all set to an absolutely haunting Philip Glass score. Though perhaps a hard movie to watch with your dude-bros on a Friday night while sipping some brewskies, Koyaanisqatsi is great for those nights when you are alone and wanting to experience your very own introspective nightmare.

Reason to Watch

Koyaanisqatsi will make you feel like a piece of trash for doing nothing else other than waking up a human being this morning. What are you doing to this planet and your fellow man, pitiful human?!

Context

Made in 1982, what better time to start thinking about what you’re doing to yourself and the earth with that Aqua Net hairspray and that eightball of coke, dude?

Most memorable quote(s)

• “Koyaanisqatsi.”

What you need to get through this movie

Though it will most likely induce vomiting as penance for all the terrible things mankind has done throughout the ages and cause you to get stuck under a coffee table in fear for your life, your future, and your sanity, CultFlicks.net recommends tea with milk and four sugar cubes of lysergic acid diethylamide.

Trivia

Each movie in this trilogy was produced by a different pretentious director, Koyaanisqatsi by Francis Ford Coppola, of Dementia 13 fame.

Educational Content

1. Abandoned tenement housing will make even the biggest galoot cry like a premature crack baby.
2. You raped this planet!
3. Old men and Vegas showgirls are the most disgusting people you will ever be forced to stare at for five minutes a stretch.
4. Philip Glass is a God.
5. Repetitive tasks played at high speeds induces self-sacrificial vomiting.
6. Some movies are equally good while sober and while in altered states of consciousness.

Justification for Rating

Koyaanisqatsi gets five stars for shutting the Hell up for an hour and a half.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzsmU5sXM1M

No related posts.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, while maybe not so awful it would make you want rip out your eyes with wasabi-tipped chopsticks, it is most certainly way overhyped. Even A-list celebrities (Alec Baldwin, Ving Rhames, and Steve Buscemi) and state of the art CGI aren’t enough to make this movie watchable more than once. A bland story line that’s not up to par with any of the games makes me wish that I hadn’t doled out my eight bucks to see this in the theater.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnE64DbnUzY

Street Fighter: The Movie

This movie is so bad that I truly believe that it killed my beloved Raul Julia. If you have ever played the Street Fighter series, you already know the plot. A couple of gay guys in their blue and red karate outfits “hadouken” their way in and out of trouble with one-eyed warlords and eccentric generals obsessed with the love of world damnation (domination?) and super-science.  Somehow a star at the time, the very Belgian and also probably very gay Jean-Claude Van Damme plays the Super American “Colonel Guile”. Much like the game, when this is on I have to watch but then soon realize why I hate it – it just goes on and on with no point, fighting the same fight, and doing the same damn cheat moves. DAMN YOU RYU!!!!!!

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=avXsM2n2oqg

Double Dragon

Ah, 1994. A great time! Clinton was in the White House, Phil Hartman was still alive, and Kurt Cobain’s head was splattered all over his garage. What wasn’t great was the live-action movie of one of the greatest NES games of all time. The Double Dragon movie is so bad that anytime I even hear about it, I force carnal thoughts of Cloris Leachman upon myself just to get the thought of it out of my mind. The only thing that saves this from being the worst video game movie ever is Alyssa Milano and the creepy burn victim Bo Abobo saying, “Wut Up Chikin Butt?”.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qa8eF3VLDsE

Super Mario Brothers

Here’s an idea: take the most iconic video game franchise ever and see what happens if we let the guys who brought us Max Headroom make a movie out of it and see what happens. I’ll tell you what will happen: it will suck, and not just in that “Hey, did you just see that Adam Sandler movie?” way. I mean really suck, like you’re stuck in line for the bathroom at an all-you-can-eat taco bar and the guy in front of you is Louie Anderson. Nothing in this movie made any sense. Dennis Hopper was freaking King Koopa. The studio would have done better if they went to a costume store, bought a Godzilla outfit, and paid a bum with Olde English 800 and McRib sandwiches to run around saying “Rawww”. I would rather go to an autoerotic asphyxiation party with Patty Hurst and the guys from INXS than have to watch this again.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd-h8q-C58k

Mortal Kombat 2: Annihilation

This is it! Not only the worst video game movie I have ever seen, it’s in the running for worst movie ever made. Mortal Kombat 2 is so bad that it is said it was used as a torture device at Guantanamo Bay until it was deemed too cruel for human viewing. While I have no proof of this, I think the director stole 80% of the budget and ran to Mexico for a huge Coke party and left his duties to a 9-year-old Filipino Down’s syndrome kid on twenty hits of acid. While in theory this may sound like a way to get a box office smash, in practice, it’s not so good. May death come swiftly to those who watch this.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HbNLiR1trY

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1. Review Mortal Kombat
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3. The Definitive Top Ten Halloween Movies

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Review

This 1959 Roger Corman film is a great example of B-Movies gone good. Walter Paisley is an inept artist working as a busboy at The Yellow Door, the heppest beatnik club around. When he accidentally kills his landlord’s cat, inspiration strikes and his fame is assured.

Reason to Watch

A Bucket of Blood may have some of the most respectful, yet hilarious, depictions of fifties beatniks in movie. King Beatnik’s poetry is, actually, quite brilliant, though only written by a lowly screenwriter for the film. Also, look for Beatniks in tuxedos and sandals, Far out, man.

Context

Them crazy beatniks are cool, man, cool. In the late fifties, you either loved them or hated them. This movie could definitely help one decide.

Most memorable quote(s)

“Where are John, Joe, Jake, Jim, jerk? Dead, dead, dead! They were not born, before they were born, they were not born. Where are Leonardo, Rembrandt, Ludwig? Alive! Alive! Alive! They were born!”

What you need to get through this movie

Like, wheat germ and gin, man.

Trivia

• Dick Miller, who played a character named Walter Paisley a total of six times, was Monster Joe in Pulp Fictions, but his part was cut out before the film premiered.

Educational Content

1. Open-toed sandals are, like, really cool with a tuxedo, man.
2. When you die and are encased in clay, you are much lighter than you were while living.

Justification for Rating

One for the bucket, three for the blood.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqkewj1XMn8

Related posts:

1. Review of Blood Feast
2. Review of Izo
3. Fan Review – The Child Molester – Part 1

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Review

Izo is a demonic schizophrenic misogynist ronin killing machine with the ability to time travel. Izo is bent on reaching his goal of achieving “divine retribution,” no matter how many people he has to kill in horrible, horrible ways. The blood does not stop in this movie, be it from decapitation or sex. No one is immune from Izo’s wrath – just ask his mother or the garbage men.

Reason to Watch

If you have ever wondered what it would be like to kill everyone (and by everyone I mean everyone)… samurai, vampires, yakuza, your mother, teachers, middle-class businessmen, children, old people, young people, large black men, small asian men, midgets, moms, dads, Satan, and Jesus. Just when massive genocide on humanity is starting to get old, Izo shows us his caring side when he bangs out “Mother Nature” then goes back to killing.

Context

Most memorable quote(s)

“Rawwwlllll, Ahhh!”
“Yes, it hurts!”

What you need to get through this movie

Izo is a pretty gory flick so you may need something to get the thought of all the decapitations off your mind, I would suggest a constant loop of “Louie, Louie”, supplemented with two cups of Canadian orphan tears

Trivia

Sitges -- Catalonian International Film Festival -- Best Special effects
Sitges -- Catalonian International Film Festival -- Best Film (Nominated)

Educational Content

1. A vagina is not a good place to sheath a sword
2. Your soulmate will eat your lice
3. Rocks + head = death
4. If you’re going to be near a crazy killer demon, bring a guitar.
5. In Japan, garbage trucks make way for duels.
6. Zombies will let you pass, if you ask nicely
7. Dog and cats like smelly vagina
8. Don’t ever fuck with Izo, Ever!

Justification for Rating

As far as avant-garde, bloodbath, time-swapping samurai movies go, I would have to guess that Izo is up there, but with the confusing storyline and massive plot holes, it gets dropped way down. If you are looking for some serious blood-letting without much thought and the typical slasher flick isn’t doing it for you, Izo just might work. It definitely does not hold back on the shock value or violence.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBq_mZQJ9pI

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3. Review of 100 Tears

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Review

Ah, back in the days when they tried to make porn like real movies… A young girl (Linda Lovelace) isn’t quite getting the satisfaction she thinks she should. So when her friend suggests she goes to the doctor to find out what’s wrong, he makes a startling discovery. Her clitoris is way down in the back of her throat. The doctor (Harry Reems), then teaches her the ancient art of the Deep Throat.

Reason to Watch

Linda Lovelace’s ability to control her gag reflex is most impressive.

Context

This is one of the first mainstream hardcore porn films, although tame by today’s standards, is a must see for any cult film afficionado.

Most memorable quote(s)

• “Do you want to get off or blow up a city?”
• “These are expensive treatments you know.”

What you need to get through this movie

Amyl nitrate. This is pornography, duh.

Trivia

Linda Lovelace later claimed she was forced at gunpoint to do these movies.  She contracted Hepatitis due to a blood transfusion she had in her twenties. She would later need a liver transplant.

No related posts.