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Rating:

Review

I don’t think Santa Sangre was meant to be as weird as it is. Some movies try so hard to be odd, and it often comes across as phony or self-parody. Santa Sangre is the most non-intentionally weird move ever devised. It has nothing to do with Santa Claus (at least I don’t think) and more to do with talking fish and circuses. Santa Sangre utilized the flash-forward before Lost made it cool, and takes advantage of Down Syndrome illness more than any other film. The film is also intensely violent and absurd beyond any sort of literal understanding. Santa Sangre may be a huge metaophor for child abuse, but it also has enough circus tricks to fit in a Cirque De Soleil script. You can’t come to terms with the film’s oddities any more than you can understand why your mom insists on Santa Claus being real even in your twenties.

Reason to Watch

Jesus makes a cameo appearance. The real Jesus, so that is pretty cool or whatever.

Context

italy and Mexico don’t usually deprive such entertainment, more known for their stuffiness and their illegal immigrants respectively, but for one reason or another, Santa Sangre just sort of works, even if it isn’t really saying anything at all about anything we can understand.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Concha: Without me you are nothing. No one sees you and no one notices you. Just like your stupid hero.
• Concha: It’s always roosters or swans! You never see anything else in your ridiculous hallucinations. 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Let’s just be honest here and nothing except shrooms and an Amazon frog can really make you come to sense and preparation for this thing.

Trivia

• As a tribute to Mexican horror films, Santa Sangre includes a scene with masked wrestlers and a “superwoman” named La Santa.
• The line spoken during the death of the elephant (The Elephant is Dying) is used as the opening line of “What’s up with You” – a song by Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson, of all combinations

Educational Content

You cannot atone for your sins by asking politely and sacrificing an animal

When a character hallucinates, even the smallest trivial problem is insurmountable

Justification for Rating

If senselessness is directly proportional to quality, a 7 will do perfectly here.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVdBqvIUnyw

Rating:

Review

A gang of young kids driving through Texas in a van hear stories of killings in the area… feeling invincible they continue on until they pick up a hitchiker who is obsessed with telling them the killing methods they use at the slaughterhouse he works at. After the hitchiker slashes his hands, sets shit on fire and demands money, they kick him out of the van, but not before he cuts the hand of wheelchair riding Franklin. They run out of gas after kickin’ out the hitchslasher and Kirk, the driver, heads for an old house and becomes the first to meet Leatherface and his mallet. Kirks girlfriend Pam comes after him only to end up fatality number 2, this time with a pretty little hook shoved through her back. Jerry, rings in at number 3, falling victim to the mallet.
The only ones left now are Franklin and his sister Sally… after nobody comes back to the van they figure it’s time to go find them. Franklin, obviously easy prey, is next as Leatherface takes him down. Sally is now left all alone and leads Leatherface on a long chase that ends with her being held up in Leatherface’s house with him and his fucked up family. Between the furniture being made out of human bones and the hitchslasher from earlier being one of the family members, Sally, being the bright girl she is in this movie, realizes she should probably get the hell out there. She manages to escape, gives chase again… this time leaving Leatherface behind.

Reason to Watch

Next weeks dinner ideas.

Context

Made “presumably” on true events and had a much larger impact on audiences in 1974 than it would now. Not a lot of gore and blood, but a nice sense of terror for the most port.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• “My family’s always been in” meat”
• “That’s the last goddamn hitchhiker I ever pick up”
• “I just can’t take no pleasure in killing. There’s just some things you gotta do. Don’t mean you have to like it”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A couple of napkins and some of that home made chili from the old smelly couple down the street.

Trivia

• Despite the implications of the film’s title, only one victim is killed by a chainsaw (Franklin).
• The financing for this film came from profits made off Deep Throat (1972).
• Uncredited and then unknown John Larroquette provided the narration

Educational Content

Never pick up hitchhikers, never trust a man who uses human skin as a facial mask, and never eat chili in Texas.

Clip

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-73BUDHcCCc

Rating:

Review

Dr. Houseman takes his family back to upstate New York’s Catskill Mountains for yet another, exclusive vacation surrounded by people who are paid to kiss their ass. “Baby”, daddy’s little girl, happens upon a little shing-ding the staff is throwing and trys to get accepted into the tribe. Johnny, the head dance instructor, wants nothing to do with the little brat and tries to send her away. Well, spoiled girls aren’t use to being told no, so she keeps coming back. His dancing partner gets knocked up by the bus boy and they find themselves in a pickle. His partner convinces him to give baby a chance and helps teach her a routine they need to perform. Johnny falls for Baby until Baby’s dad finds out about the side action and forbids her to see him again assuming he is the one who knocked up his dancing partner. At the last dinner of the trip, Johnny comes and takes Baby out of the corner daddy made her sit in, daddy finds out it WASN’T him who knocked up his partner, they dance and all is right in the world again.

Reason to Watch

Highly recommended for High School teachers trying to convince their student the feelings they have towards each other are natural and age should not matter.

Context

Made during a time when EVERYBODY was screwing underage girls, so it was okay.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Nobody puts baby in a corner
• Go back to your playpen baby

Trivia

• Johnny is always in dark clothing while Baby is always wearing light colors.
• They spray painted the trees green because it wasn’t really summer.

Educational Content

The importance of using a CLEAN hanger when performing an abortion in the back room.

Justification for Rating

There are no negative numbers, so I had to go with 0.

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Rating:

Review

The movie starts with a quick introduction of Frank – a sadist looking for the ultimate pleasure. He buys this puzzle from this dude and while messing around with it opens the doors to a world of wonder and joy, filled with chains, hooks and random body parts. Forward ahead several years… Franks brother Larry along with his new wife Julia and daughter Kirsty move into Franks abandoned house. When Larry bust open a vein and spills some blood on the attic floor Frank is magically resurrected, with a catch. His body is only half intact and to get back into shape he needs more blood. Frank reaches out to Julia,  who he use to have vicious, hard-core romps in the sack with before his disappearance. Julia, who never stopped craving Frank to begin with starts whoring herself out to get Frank some dinner. Kirsty, who has already moved out to get away from the bitch, starts wondering just wth her mommy dearest is up to and follows her, watches her bring home her latest trist and comes face to face with the not-quite-completed Frank. She escapes with the box and wakes up in the hospital. After piddle-fucking around with it she solves it, summoning a great group of guys called the Cenobites. They come to claim her body and soul until she tells them she can give them Frank – who they were pretty peeved with. They agree, Kirsty goes hoem to retrieve Frank for her new friends and find he has taken over her dad’s body. The Cenobites welcome Frank back with open arms and Kirsty is off the hook..

Reason to Watch

If for no other reason, you gotta watch to see Julia lay one on Franks adorable face.

Context

Unique story line for it’s time. Original, sadistic and gruesome without being to cheesy.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• “We have such sights to show you”
• “No tears please, it’s a waste of good suffering”
• “Welcome to the worst nightmare of all… reality!”

Trivia

• The film’s original title was “Sadomasochists From Beyond The Grave”
• The budget for this film was $1 million dollars
• The film is based on Clive Barker’s book “The Hellbound Heart”

Educational Content

The school systems would do good to replace traditional sex-ed classes with this film.

Justification for Rating

I gave it a 10 based on originality, the creepy factor, and I love seeing people hit in the head with hammers.

Clip

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAx34IZ8bTk

Rating:

Review

George A. Romero’s epic sequel to his genre-defining Night of the Living Dead is arguably superior to its ground-breaking predecessor.

As a zombie plague engulfs the planet, four survivors – TV girl Fran, her helicopter pilot boyfriend Stephen and two soldiers Peter and Roger – take refuge in a sprawling shopping mall, sealing the doors and creating a zombie-free hideout. In time they find their lives dull and empty inside their consumers’ paradise until their peace is destroyed by a marauding biker gang. The ensuing battle against both the bikers and the undead provides more opportunity for some wonderful gore.

The film is wonderfully written and directed and is full of satire, sub-text, allegory and clever imagery. The characters are well developed and reasonably played and the dialogue is both believable and economic enough to ensure a well-paced film. This all means that you can watch, completely guilt-free, an array of wonderfully produced gory effects (god bless Tom Savini) – screwdrivers through the ear, a rotor-blade scalping, bullet induced head explosions, machete decapitations and a liberal sprinkling of gut-munching.

On a personal note, Romero is the “Daddy” of the zombie genre and all the subsequent fast moving zombie goons really need to be bitch-slapped with a copy of the DVD, preferably prior to removing from the player.

Reason to Watch

The film is simply one of the best horror films ever made. Can be watched simply to revel in the violence or gore (of which there certainly is plenty) or can be appreciated as multi-faceted piece of cinematic art.

Context

Made in 1978 a full ten years after the first in the series. The delay, in part, was due to Romeros desire not to become overly identified with the horror genre. The delay didn’t work out too well for old George as whilst the film was a huge critical and financial success it certainly had him positively hog-tied to the zombie genre.

Most Memorable Quotes

“They’re us, that’s all, when there’s no more room in hell.”

“Who the hell cares! Let’s go shopping!”

What You Need To Get Through This Movie

To some extent this depends on what you want to take from the movie and also which version you are watching. If you are planning to have a beer-soaked gore and violence fest then the remote may come in handy, especially if you are watching the rather-slower paced 140 minute extended version.

Trivia

Despite being a sequel this is the first Romero film in which the zombies were actually called zombies.

Simon Pegg, star and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead, is a huge fan of the film and the work of Romero generally and is hence staunchly against the seeming modern move towards faster moving zombies.

Educational Content

1. Zombies move slowly!
2. To kill a zombie their brain must be destroyed.
3. Even well-lit malls can be really scary.
4.  Surviving a zombie apocalypse is pretty tricky and we should all have our plans in place.
5. Zombies may be slow and clumsy but you have to admire their tenacity.

Justification for Rating

It would have got 10 out of 10 but some of the acting could have been a little better.

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