Rating:

Review

Ah, clowns. For all of the joy and laughter they attempt to bring to children and adults alike, one just cannot help but be creeped out by them. Perhaps it’s the incessant, unwavering smile; it makes it impossible to gauge their emotions, so we see them as sociopathic machines. Maybe it’s the ingrained fear that they are all John Wayne Gacy under the white face and red nose. Regardless of the reason, clowns are fucking scary, and Director Marcus Koch takes advantage of this fact in his 2007 film, 100 Tears.
Gurdy is the king badass of your killer clown genre. Using a cartoon-sized meat cleaver, he out-butchers Pennywise, the Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and Pogo the Clown combined, and within the first quarter of the movie. Killing with indifference, Gurdy mercilessly disembowels girls, slaughters invalids, and tortures teens for the length of the movie. And it never gets old.
Sure, there’s more story to the story (something about tabloid reporters and midgets), but 100 Tears’ true brilliance shines through in the relentless blood-letting and the quite believable and disgusting special effects and makeup. No CGI here, kids; this movie is filled with good, old-fashioned latex-head decapitations and fake-blood bonanzas.

Reason to Watch

For Tampans, 100 Tears is a must-watch as it is filmed locally in Tampa and Gibsonton. For everyone else, watch it for the multiple disembowlings. Does one need more than that?

Context

This film is Koch’s first since his 1997 low-budget punk-gore film, Rot. If someone wants to see what a difference digital recording is making for low-budget filmmakers, watch the two of these movies back-to-back.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

“I wanna kill, Daddy.”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Cotton Candy Drink: 1 oz butterscotch schnapps, Mountain Dew Citrus Soda & ice cubes Add Butterscotch Schnapps and Mountain Dew to ice cubes in a Collins glass. Stir and serve. Or Cotton Candy: 2 oz Malibu Coconut Rum 1 oz peach schnapps pink lemonade Pour the Malibu rum and peach schnapps into a cocktail glass. Fill with pink lemonade, or add to taste, and serve.

Trivia

Director Marcus Koch was awesome enough to do an interview for CultFlicks! (Coming Soon… )

Educational Content

1. No matter how many people you kill in a movie, it just does not get old if there is enough blood and fake entrails.
2. Girls who cut themselves do it because of daddy issues
3. Do not go down on a random girl in an alley. Ever.
4. Gore movies with hot actresses do not always show tits.

Justification for Rating

Three stars for the gore, one for the clown, and one for the midget. Then I had to subtract a star for the lack of nudity in this NC-17 film.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBmnE2jyKk8

Related posts:

1. Review of Dead Men Walk
2. Review of Blood Feast

Review

With the latest movie from Kevin Smith, “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” coming out soon, I thought this would be a good time to take a look at some of the moments from the career of everybody’s favorite pot-smoking, comic book-reading, Star Wars-obsessing director, Kevin Smith.

Best

Clerks:

when Dante and Randal debate whether “Storm Troopers” are innocent bystanders when the Death Star blows up in “Return of the Jedi”.

Reason: This scene puts a hilarious twist on one of the many plot holes that plagued the Star Wars trilogy.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6lzEhoXads

Vulgar

Reason: While he did not write or direct it, Vulgar did have clown rape. Lots and lots of clown rape.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa9pKVo9bN8

Dogma:

Reason: A preachy and trite movie about religion. While not really that funny or insightful, it had George Carlin – so that has to be worth something, right?

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BEZaPN8gUY

Joey Lauren Adams

Reason: Gave hope to overweight Star Wars geeks that they, too, could sleep with girls way out of their league. Only catch is you still have to be famous. Sorry.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMJXADJWZBI

Worst Moments:

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back:

Reason: A garbage movie made more for them than their audience. Yes, we get that you like Star Wars and Pot.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_7HVcYjM3Y

Mallrats:

Reason: A movie about a sad attempt at post-teenage, angst. If not for Jason Lee, this movie would have been forgettable, at best.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfVVjpVZP8I

Chasing Amy:

Reason: Guy meets dyke, dyke and guy fall in love, guy loses dyke. Their I just saved you two hours. You’re welcome.

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7ITfUxcScA

Catch and Release:

Reason: Are you freaking kidding me? Has pot become so expensive that you have to make a movie where you try to sleep with perennial white trash prom queen Juliette Lewis? On its own this movie is even bad for a chick flick

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZBbP81mSD0

Jersey Girl

Reason: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. ‘Nuff said…

Clip

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKIqeFj4GG0

No related posts.