Scifi

Review of Starcrash

Scifi Comments Off on Review of Starcrash

Starcrash film posterRating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Starcrash seems to be something written by an immature Star Wars fanboy with 1,200 bucks and a couple of cameras. It somehow manages to have some measly starpower in a movie that is so wrought with poor special effects, low production values, and a convoluted plot born from the orifices of Alien: Ressurection. Starcrash is a terribly ill-conceived film, so it’s no wonder it has established a steady cult following decades after its release. A group of starfighters are sent out to destroy the evil Count Zarth Arn and stop whatever bullshit he’s up to. They fail miserably, but a survivor manages to meet up with a team of silly rogue-types and they ressurect the mission to take down the Count for good.

The plot is thin as 1% milk, and I can’t even say it has a huge charming appeal. But it is terrible, and for cult film fans, that could be the only requirement. Starcrash is the poor man’s Star Wars, 2 years after Star Wars became a thing. there were many of them around that time, Starcrash is the one most teetering between total hilarity and sheer awfulness.

Reason to Watch

Caroline Munro may not be a household name, but who cares. Her skimpy unproductive space fighting suit the “space-kini” and her overall badassery is enough to watch this thing three times over.

Context

Starcrash is an awful awful movie but it does sort of sum up the entirety of late 70’s action science-fiction flicks without all the overt presumptions following Star Wars.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Zarth Arn: By sunset I’ll be the new emperor. And I’ll be the master of the whole universe! 
  • L: Circuits don’t fail me now! 
  • Emperor of the Galaxy: For the space of three minutes, every molecule on this planet will be immobilized. But after the third minute, the green ray loses it’s power. Time will flow once more and everything will explode. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

An appreciation for painful ear-splitting dialogue

Trivia

The producers and studio executives told director Luigi Cozzi to make the film as much like Star Wars as physically possible without breaking legalities

There is known stateside DVD release of Starcrash.

Producers were extremely hesitant to show Starcrash to music composer John Barry fearing he will abandon the project

All of Christopher Plummer’s shots for the Emperor were done in a single day

Educational Content
  • Robots dissolve as they die
  • The original attention for Caroline Munro was to have her in the scantily clad space-kini for the entirety of the film, but producers feared not getting a pass in American markets
Justification for Rating

Sometimes, a beautiful model in space underwear isn’t enough to salvage a terrible movie

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tESwX3doaI

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Action

Review of Death Race 2000

Action Comments Off on Review of Death Race 2000

Death Race 2000 ReviewRating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Review

Do you like video games? Do you like murdering people? Do you think playing video games that murder people is not only awesome, but morally awesome? Death Race 2000 pits you as a viewer, in a game where individuals who are usually burly, unnecessarily aggressive, and drowning in their own testosterone against others where they race, main, and kill each other- to death. the better the kill, the more points. The film, at only 80 minutes, barely gives us any characterization, but not that we expected any from something called Death Race 2000. The film is stupid- extremely almost godly stupid, but unlike many films that are stupid and just not worth watching, Death Race 2000 is more entertaining than any Transformers move of the last decade.

Reason to Watch

Sylvester Stallone plays someone awesome who isn’t Rambo, a career 180.

Context

It is the dystopian future of the year 2000 where people battled for their lives in massive car arenas. In the REAL year 2000, city kids played Nintendo 64 on their 420 resolution tv’s and downloaded songs from Napster at the quick immediate pace of 10 kb a second through their dial-up connection.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Matilda the Hun: Whoever named your car the Bull… was only half right! 
  • Junior: Here he comes: Machine Gun Joe! Loved by thousands, hated by millions! 
  • Frankenstein: You want to make love to me because I drive the Monster and wear this costume. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A Sylvester Stallone plush Rambo doll

Trivia

Producer Roger Corman did many of the driving himself because the stuntmen were nervous they would get nabbed by cops or driving cars that were not street legal

The original role of Frankenstein was offered to Jane Fonda who found the film too ridiculous to humor with words

Educational Content
  • You can transform a terribly beat-up Vokswagan into a badass killing machine with Roger Corman on your side
  • Nothing is street legal, really
Justification for Rating

It is hard to rate Death Race 2000 because you know if you will like it or not far before you even watch a minute. a 6 sounds reasonable for a movie that should be awful

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of1UF-qVc18

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