Horror

Review of The Witches’ Mountain

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El Monte de las brujasRating: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

If you came here looking for someone to explain what the hell this film is about then you have come to wrong place. This film feels like the director started making one movie, the lead actress dropped out and so was forced to make something else, but he didn’t have time to finish it so just stuck the movies together in the hope that would notice. The films starts off with some cat killing little brat getting burned alive by her mother. Following this mother decides to go on holiday, but her ex boyfriend (Cihangir Gaffari)is not interested so that woman disappears and her ex boyfriend gets his camera and goes on a trip through the Pyrenees, but not before he picks up some other girl he found sun bathing on the beach. Pretty soon we find out that the Pyrenees is home to car jacking witches who hate un-married couples. The film pretty much ends there and it feel like there are some reels missing in the middle and at the end. But the Spanish women are sexy and when a film stars a man like Cihangir Gaffari who knows how to wear a moustache there is little to complain about.

Reason to Watch

Any films that starts with a little girl getting burned alive by her mother gets my thumbs up and again Cihangir’s tash has to be seen to be believed. Not only that but the music score is crazy, it’s like 80 minutes of Damien from the Omen looking intensely at the camera while a choir goes bonkers with stuff about god.

Context

The early 70s was a time where men were men and women a-moral whores. The Witches Mountain goes to show that you can either join the playboy party with the big hair, perfectly groomed moustached photographer or live on a mountain with other lonely spinsters.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

Little Girl: That cat won’t hurt you any more, I killed it.

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Make sure you have the remote control handy because if you don’t you might think the dog sat on the mute button. In between the choir belting out the greatest Gothic hits there is dead silence. You might also want to watch it in darkness, not to make it scary, but just so you can see what is going on.

Trivia

Director Raúl Artigot picked up a special mention at the 1973 Sitges – Catalonian International Film Festival, although it is unclear if this was a good thing or they meant “special” like the “special” kid in your school who had wear mittens.

Educational Content

1. If your dump your crazy girl friend and she comes back, get away from her as soon as possible.
2. Chicks love it when you unsuspecting take photos of them on the beach with a long lens camera.
3. Crazy eyed inn-keeper’s are hint from God not to stay in that Inn.
4. If you have the choice to sleep in a tent or in the car choose the tent… unless you are on mountain populated by witches.
5. A perfectly groomed moustache doesn’t just impress the chicks, it impresses everyone.

Justification for Rating

The plot makes no sense, half the film appears to be missing and the dubbing is terrible, but Cihangir Gaffari tash is to die for.

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