Scifi

Review of Idaho Transfer

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Idaho TransferRating: ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

This movie sucks so hard it could turn itself inside out. Director Peter Fonda manages to take time travel and global apocalypse and make it as boring as walking through a grey baron wasteland… which, ironically, is what this film mostly consists of. The scary thing is, there actually seems to be real debate about whether this film is any good. Personally I think it is like Muholland Drive, ask someone what they thought of the movie and say they loved it, ask them what hell was going on and they have no idea. The only reason they said they loved is because they didn’t get it and don’t want to look stupid.
So Idaho Transfer tells the story of researchers who discover time travel, then they find out that in the future all life is destroyed so they travel further into the future to repopulate the human race, only they are now infertile so the whole thing was a big waste of time.

Reason to Watch

What makes a bad movie a good one is over the top campy acting, shaky sets, wild arguments, explosive characters and mosters, but here we are dumped on a baron rock with obnoxious kids. There is no gore, even when the girl gets her head smashed into a rock. I’m sure I did more damage to my head banging it against the wall as I forced myself to watch this pretentious crap. But if you want a reason to see it, watch it so you know how much better you can do with camcorder and your mates.

Context

This film was made as the hippy era was coming to an end and most people started not to care so much about the environment anymore. Nam and government corruption was bringing everyone down as Nixon faced the Watergate scandal. This was a film aimed at the youth, but by the time film was released the youth no longer cared and this film disappeared.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

“The oldest ones we saw were about 30, they don’t live very long and just gurgle and bump around”
“Some are so retarded they can’t even find food”
“He wants to be alone now! Don’t look for him!”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Don’t smoke dope, this film is tough enough with trying to enhance the experience. This is all about survival, I suggest just have your mom come in every five minutes and slap you in the face.

Trivia

This was the beginning and ending for almost every ‘actor’ in the film, not one went on to do anything even remotely interesting.
The film ends with the quote “Esto Perpetua” which despite popular thought is not Latin for “You Wasted Your Life” but actually means “It is forever” and is the motto of the state of Idaho, which is quite depressing really.

Educational Content

1. In future people dress in silver and use humans for fuel.
2. Time travel is best left to the kids in skimpy underwear.
3. It turns out the future is a really boring place to be.

Justification for Rating

Peter Fonda only directed 3 films and the only good thing he did in this film was make sure he wasn’t in it. Of all the great landscapes in the world why did he have to pick Idaho’s baron wastelands. The film thinks it is smart, but gaping plot holes, flat acting and a budget that could barely rival your local high-school’s production of Our Town make this a dull and annoying experience. What I would give for a zombie, some blood or pointless nudity.

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Horror

Review of Devil Times Five

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Devil Times FiveRating: ★★½☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

A transport bus from a hospital for disturbed children crashes and five extremely disturbed, psychologically unbalanced children escape from the bus. Wondering trough the snow the group comes across the large house of Papa Doc, who is hosting a weekend get-together with his business mates and their wives. Shortly after taking in five children, a caretaker and his friends begin to regret their generosity. No sooner have the kids arrived then they set out to lay traps for the adults in the house. A series of horrible murders follows and caretaker and his friends begin to die violent deaths, one after another.

Reason to Watch

If you like to watch savage and gory death scenes than this is the right movie for you.

Context

This movie was made in 1970’s, a period that coud be called a horror film fan’s nirvana, when low-budget fright shows were outdoing themselves to be the next Last House on the Left or The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

Talking to the dead nun and driver: “Excuse me sister… Naughty maniac drivers don’t deserve medals”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Brand new, top of the top, security doors and alarm system because when the movie gets rolling you don’t want anyone uninvited to drop in.

Trivia

The first cut ran less than an hour so the producers had to get together and write additional scenes and bring in a new director to direct them. This explains why many of the actors sometimes seem to be in scenes by themselves, why the walls in some rooms change colors.

Educational Content

I know how kids can be cute, but think once more if you want to take strange kid into your house.

Justification for Rating

I didn’t really liked concept this movie but I must admit, those kids have interesting idea on how to kill someone.

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Horror

Review of Creature from the Haunted Sea

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Creature from the Haunted SeaRating: ★★½☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

A crook decides to bump off members of his inept crew and blame their deaths on a legendary sea creature. What he doesn’t know is that the creature is real

Reason to Watch

I would like to mention that the film quality was horrible throughout most of this film, as was the sound. It made it really hard to get good screenshots of the characters in most instances, yet the most cheesiest moster made up for it all!

Context

Made in the early sixties it took place after the revolution in Cuba at sea mainly.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

Mary Belle: “You know sump’n? We oughta get married.”
Renzo: “Now don’t be a drag baby.”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The only way youll make it through this B film is a couple shots of morphine and a cuban cigar!

Trivia

http://www.amazon.com/Creature-Haunted-Sea-Black-White/dp/B001BSBBMG (you can also watch it in color!!)

Educational Content

If you encounter any sea monsters while on a boating trip you have a very good chance of smelling like a big turd afterwards.

Justification for Rating

Though I give the monster a 10 in the laugh factor. The blurrness and horrible sound brang it down to a 2.5

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News

Troll 2 Cult Flicks Night September 11th

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September 11th, 2010 at the Tampa Pitcher Show Cult Flicks Latest Movie Troll 2 “Best Worst Movie”

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Horror

Review of Blood Feast

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Rating: ★½☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

If I told you that a movie had blood, guts, gore, and a Playboy model, you would probably be pretty excited, right? Don’t pull your pants down just yet: Blood Feast is an abomination of all that is horrific.

Fuad Ramses is the proprietor of an Egyptian catering business when said Playmate’s mom rings up and asks him to prepare something… different. Ramses, of course, suggests something… Egyptian: an Egyptian Feast! Little does any know (although they should, given that they explain to everyone at every chance possible exactly what an Egyptian Feast consists of), all of the murders that have been happening lately are just Ramses collecting the ingredients for said feast. Good thing your typical Keystone Cops are on the case (yeesh!). Read the rest of this entry »

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