The Giant Gila Monster
What sets this classic 50s Sci-Fi fiasco apart from other giant monster movies is its complete lack of respect for the laws of the giant monster movie. Rule 1: Giant Monsters come from a complete disregard for the laws of nature. This is where the moral of the story comes in – don’t pollute, clone, or mongrelize the races, or a 40-foot tall salamander will eat your family. This rule is broken by simply not explaining where the Gila Monster came from, what it wants, and how to reverse the science that created it. Rule 2: Keep the monster mysterious. Well, the opening scene shows the angry man in the lizard suit, so that’s right out. Rule 3: Get another monster to kill it. Our hero, Chase, kills the monster by driving a 50s hotrod stuffed with nitroglycerin into the beast – of course.
The Toxic Avenger II
Simply one of the greatest bad movies of all time! Troma outdid themselves with a 10-minute opening fight scene where the world’s greatest, hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength from New Jersey beats, blends, crushes, and rips apart a random assortment of stereotypes before traveling to Japan (by windsurfing) to find his dad. Toxie, as his friends call him, an ex-janitor, travels to Tokyo and learns the finer points of Japanese life and culture. He bathes in a traditional Japanese sento (bath house), eats shabu-shabu, and fights evil. I would strongly recommend drinking large quantities of sake and Drano® for this one.
If you ever find yourself attached to a brain-eating worm that looks like a penis and enjoys bad jokes, then Brain Damage is perfect for you. Did I mention he injects LSD and happiness directly into your spinal column? Complete with violence, exploding heads, anonymous sex in back alleys, and something that was either another exploding head or a Buddha-style enlightenment moment. The shear simplicity of the plot (as far as LSD injecting, brain eating worm plots can be simple) will leave you feeling spiritually in touch… or possibly wanting to jab a cheese knife in your ear – one or the other.
Possibly the bloodiest movie ever, this early Peter Jackson film is brilliant beyond your wildest dreams, especially if you only know him from those Lord of the Rings films. Look out for an especially disgusting scene that will change the way you look at custard forever, and the murder of hundreds of zombies with a gas-powered lawn mower. And a zombie pastor screwing a zombie nurse. And an partially-digested dog. And…
This musical gem gets forgotten when compared to the slightly less awesome Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it’s worth seeking out. This movie absolutely has it all: drugs, alcohol, sex, tits, violence, love, jealousy, Satan, giant frogs, midgets, jock straps, blackface, stockings, blood, decapitations, chickens… Too bad it doesn’t get its just rewards as the greatest cult musical of all time!
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