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The Definitive Top Ten Halloween Movies

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Poltergeist

Even though it was supposedly directed by Tobe Hooper of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame, producer Steven Spielberg has the uncanny ability to take movies that would seem like utter crap and actually make them watchable, be it aliens in desperate need of elocution lessons, coked-out cartoon rabbits, time traveling suburbanites, or freaking door-opening dinosaurs. I have to say that Spielberg does not disappoint in this cult horror classic. I still get creeped out when I see Poltergeist, and is it just me or do you always hope that Craig T. Nelson will just start dry humping the hobbit-looking old lady?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o07qRVETglQ

The Shining

Stephen King hates it. Everyone else loves it. For the absolute creepiest movie ever made, The Shining takes the cake. Jack Nicholson as crazed father Jack Torrance is a, um, shining moment in his career. What’s great about this movie is how scary it is without anything scary actually happening for the first forty minutes. But when the blood rolls and the old naked ladies in room 237 rears her rotted tits, you know Shelley Duvall’s tears and Scatman Crothers’ bald head are the only things to keep you from shitting in your pants as Danny Lloyd chants “Redrum! Redrum!”

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Though a scary premise, Chainsaw is actually just 83 minutes of Marilyn Burns screaming. When a group of teens accidentally discover a cannibalistic family, they are methodically killed in the most disgusting of fashions. Spawning countless sequels and remakes, this original is the creepiest, mostly due to a graphic description of the workings of slaughterhouse.

Hellraiser

Another brilliant movie destroyed by too many subpar sequels, the first Hellraiser is a masterpiece of blood and brutality. They tear shit up all over the place – bodies, souls, and DVD sales. When the Cottons move into a new house, Mr. Cotton’s dead brother, Frank, who is Mrs. Cotton’s beau, is a rotting corpse in their new attic, and Mrs. Cotton is charged with murdering strangers to bring him back to life. The only downside of this movie is that it spawned a generation of fat Goth kids in chains and leather, emulating the all-too-cool cenobite style. Yum!

The Thing

John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing is a brilliant exercise in creepiness, even though it ends really anti-climactically. Quickly, an Antarctic expedition uncovers an alien ship whose pilot’s blood infects and takes over its host. But Goddamn! The sounds of the dying dogs, the jumping blood, the spider-head, pre-diabetes Wilfred Brimley. Ugh. This movie is truly too terrifying to watch even to this day, and I’ve seen it a hundred times. Kurt Russell’s awesome beard is the only thing to lighten this dark and horrifying film.

 

If you want to check out these and more horror movies, take a look through the selection of free films to watch online at LOVEFiLM, and make sure to get comfortable behind the sofa!

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20 Responses to “The Definitive Top Ten Halloween Movies”

  1. Casey Says:

    This is our best list; absolutely indisputable!

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  2. Phil Says:

    I don’t know about indisputable, but it’s pretty damned good! By the way, The Town That Dreaded Sundown was released in 1976 and was directed by Charles B. Pierce. Just in case you want to find it for me.

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  3. Greg Says:

    Indisputable! This may be the greatest list of cult films suitable for watching in honor of All Hallows Eve, that will ever grace any web site ever, ever!

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  4. Margapantalones Says:

    A short list of things I learned from some of these movies:

    Rocky Horror Picture Show – Tim Curry had (still has, perhaps?) GREAT legs.
    Beetlejuice – If you play with your food (read: dance around it and sing at the table), it will turn into hands and pull your face into it. Yes, it’s very silly, but when I was little, the concept of this scared the shit out of me and caused great distress while dreaming.
    Poltergeist – Speaking from inside your TV SHOULD create an automatic reverse-reverb effect.

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  5. Margapantalones Says:

    PS: I’m a little sad Dawn of the Dead (1978) isn’t on here… not because I love the movie or anything like that… I just wanted an excuse to mention the Hare Krishna zombie who looked like Moby. Hm… I guess I found an excuse, and I’m no longer sad.

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  6. Steve Says:

    When are we going to go see the Rock Horror Picture show?

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  7. mortimer nova Says:

    like half of this list gets played on amc during october. the problem with a list like this is that any horror movie could be included. so, name ten more horror movies and that list will be indisputable as well. but regardless, classic goodness.

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  8. Greg Says:

    No, this is not like that, you can’t throw “Scream” up there and justify it as worthy for Halloween, it doesn’t have that “Hallow” feel to it. This list has had way more thought and effort put into than, say, the GOP decision for Vice President, and we stand by our decision. Plus, this is a cult movie site, the films have to have that cult movie feel, or at least a group of people who have seen it a hundred times and dress up as the characters for Halloween (or in the case of Rocky Horror, Thursdays.)

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  9. raylynn Says:

    palin was a good choice for vice preserdent. she appeals to my motherly needs and isnt a muslim like that “other one”.

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  10. Casey Says:

    WTF with the GOP spam? Everyone knows I got a thing for Palin, but that is stupid.

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  11. mortimer nova Says:

    i agree. palin was really good in scream.

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  12. raylynn Says:

    she makes my armpits moist

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  13. Casey Says:

    Dude, who was she in Scream? Matthew Lillard?

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  14. Greg Says:

    Ooooh, John Mccain… there is a scary ass Halloween costume!

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  15. maryFinPoppins Says:

    Night of the Living Dead great movie and you can watch it online for free http://www.archive.org/details/night_of_the_living_dead

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  16. Steve Says:

    I think we are going to re-encode it and post it for free here as well…

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  17. CrypticDweller Says:

    What about, “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”. That movie terrifies the hell outa me.

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  18. Casey Says:

    I thought ours was Night of the Diving Lead. 😕

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  19. brandi Says:

    i never watched half of these movies growing up, and I feel like im not a fully rounded, well developed person because of it. I guess its never too late to grow up and become a transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.

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  20. Steve Says:

    Nope, it’s never too late

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