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Rating:

Review

If I told you that a movie had blood, guts, gore, and a Playboy model, you would probably be pretty excited, right? Don’t pull your pants down just yet: Blood Feast is an abomination of all that is horrific.

Fuad Ramses is the proprietor of an Egyptian catering business when said Playmate’s mom rings up and asks him to prepare something… different. Ramses, of course, suggests something… Egyptian: an Egyptian Feast! Little does any know (although they should, given that they explain to everyone at every chance possible exactly what an Egyptian Feast consists of), all of the murders that have been happening lately are just Ramses collecting the ingredients for said feast. Good thing your typical Keystone Cops are on the case (yeesh!).

Reason to Watch

Though the acting is deplorable, the sound is terrible, and the direction is weak, there are a couple of scenes of absolute gore which save this from being a complete waste of time.

Most memorable quote(s)

• “Well Frank, it looks like one of those long hard ones!”
• “Ramses was the killer we’ve been looking for. Mrs. Fremont, I’m afraid this feast is evidence of murder!” “Oh dear! The guests will have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight.”

What you need to get through this movie

With it’s grossly inept police officers, one dozen jelly donuts, a pot of coffee per person, and some cocaine planted on a minority is absolutely required to survive this Blood Feast.

Trivia

This piece of trash was (poorly) edited by Robert Sinise, the father of Lt. Dan himself, Gary Sinise.

Educational Content

1. You can pull someone’s tongue out if you pull hard enough, and it’s a good way to keep them from screaming.
2. Cops are stupid. Trust me.
3. Ancient Egyptians were white.
4. No matter how obvious your plot, it’s always best to be completely sure that no one is left in the cold by having every detail explained at the end by the detective who was never even once hot on the perpetrator’s tail.
5. If you join an occult book club, you will lose body parts for stew.

Justification for Rating

Though made of pure suck, there is a good amount of blood and guts to squeeze out the one and one-half stars we give it.

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