Rating:

Review

Amores Perros is Spanish for “Love’s a Bitch, roughly, and follows a few interlocking stories about family, death, and dog fighting. The film is tied together by a car accident. For example, the victim is a woman who becomes paralyzed, the one who crashed into her is a boy in love with a girl he can’t have and makes money dogfighting is prize pet. The last story follows a vagrant, a homeless man who is as crazy as he is awesome. In essence, it is the car accident that begins the story and closes it, but it is how the characters came to the situation as well as how they deal with the reprecussions that makes this film. Charming is not quite the word I would use, as the events depicted are depressing and ruthless. Yet it is a punch in the stomach well deserved. Viewers need a good hit to shack them from the monotony and come to, possibly, realize what life is all about REALLY. Not bad for a cult film.

Reason to Watch

Well the movie certainly won’t cheer you up, bt its sheer rawness and gritty character depictions is worthy of watching. the structure of te film is also very unique and enthralling.

Context

Amores Perros is gritty, undoubtedly depressing, and builds sympathy for characters you outright should hate. Not every film can be Toy Story 2

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Susana: You and your plans. You know what my grandmother used to say? If you want to make God laugh… tell Him your plans. 
• El Chivo: At the time, I thought there were more important things than being with you and your mom. I wanted to set the world right, and then share it with you. I failed, as you can see. 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A tissuebox, not for um..anything sexual, but for your waterfall of inevitable tears

Trivia

• A disclaimer stating that no animals were harmed in the making of the movie comes at the beginning instead of being buried in the credits. There are many depictions of animal violence, particularly around dogs
• “Negro”, the name “El Chivo” picks for his dog at the end of the movie is also the well-known nickname for the film’s director, Alejandro González Iñárritu. 
• This is considered part one of  Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s ”death trilogy,” followed by 21 Grams and Babel starring Brad Pitt.

Educational Content

All female gangs are the toughest, don’t pretend they aren’t

Justification for Rating

The Warriors has some classic bad vs. bad vs. morally gray stories played out in an arena called New York City. It’s fresh, new- a 6 rating.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCOXqoqs54w&feature=fvst

Rating:

Review

They Live is a seriously stupid movie, yet interestingly, that sort of reflects the culture of the times and the themes of the film. They Live has aliens ruling the world through television (media) turning all the people into slaves of the aliens (media). The people consume and consume to fuel the aliens strive for dominance, and the people are powerless to stop them. It seems like a terrible C-grade alien flick, and it most certainly is. But it also speaks on the culture of the era in a weird way. After John Carpenter took a break from milking the tit of the Halloween franchise, he encapsulated an overall thought process with intrigue and suspense, encased in a shell of a stupid movie.

Reason to Watch

They Live doesn’t pander to you as much as you deserve it to, and for that, it is worth your time.

Context

It’s a throwback to 50′s alien-grade visuals, and it has underlining messages of mass-consumerism and greed helmed by John Carpenter. Not bad for a one trick pony.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum. 
• Nada: Wooo. It’s like a drug. Wearing these glasses gets you high, but you come down hard. 
• Bearded Man: We could be pets, we could be food, but all we really are is livestock. 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

All your receipts of the all the shit you bought in the last year, to make yourself feel bad and bring yourself into the movie with greater aplomb

Trivia

• The line “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubble gum” was ad-libbed by Roddy Piper. According to director John Carpenter, Piper had taken the line from a list of ideas he had for his pro wrestling interviews. 
• Roddy Piper, being a married man at the time of filming, refused to take his wedding band off. That’s why in several scenes you can see a wedding ring on. 

Educational Content

If aliens were to invade, the first place they would go is to the televison stations

Mullets- still not retro

You may be married to, sleeping with, or sitting next to an alien. Men in Black taught you this one as well

Justification for Rating

Well, it’s a movie.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inZUDMGJsKo

Piranha DVD Cover

Rating:

Reason to Watch

Piranha are in the water. People shouldn’t go into the water, but they do. Other people know the piranha are there and shouldn’t go in the water to check it out, but they do. Piranha should differentiate between victims and People Who Are Just Evaluating The Situation, but they don’t.

This 1978 film is one of the cheap, scary-but-not-horror movies that were so prevalent then. Most of them were really bad and this one lives up to the standard. The acting is bad, the dialogue is worse and if anything in the plot surprises you, you’re too young to watch this movie. Go back to bed and don’t forget your teddy.

Context

Somebody wanted to make a movie about a killer animal, but all the sexy ones were taken. So were all of the good actors.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Dumont: People eat fish, Grogan. Fish don’t eat people.
• Piranhas: Skree, skree, skree

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A sense of humor or a really slow night on Netflix. But making up dialogue for the piranhas can be fun.

Trivia

In 2010, someone thought it would be a good idea to do a remake in 3-D. Hopefully, the actors had better clothes.

Educational Content

• Piranha make funny shrieking noises when they attack. Kind of like some people do at a Chinese buffet.
• If you wear corduroys pulled up to your armpits with a nice wide belt, you’re more likely to get eaten by piranhas.

Justification for Rating

It sucks like a Dyson.
Clip:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoCKGvVlNYM

Rating:

Review

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland is a fantastic family adventure. Its cult status is solidly confirmed after resting in overall obscurity since its release in 1989. It follows the adventures of Nemo, a boy who pretends to sleepwalk in order to sneak off and steal some pie. He is visited at night by Professor Genius who is out to capture him and take him to Slumberland. Though it sounds like the perfect plot device for a CSI kidnap/rape case, it actually sets off a whimsical tale of love and escapism.

Reason to Watch

Little Nemo may seem like a children’s story, and it overtly is, but the ending is dark and twisted, the villains believable and sinister, and the plot progresses at a quality immediate pace. It sticks out in memory far and beyond family films of its kind.

Context

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland is simply one of the best children’s fantasy stories from Japan, and seems to include every specific cliche and plot device to make it as lovable and endearing as possible. To name a few- pretty princesses, flying squirrels, a circus, and a huge trainset.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Nemo: What are you wanted for? 
  Flip: Having fun. 
  Nemo: Having fun? 
  Flip: Yeah, they don’t like it when you have fun here. Heh. 
• Flip: Care to come along Princess’y? I’ll even let you carry my cigars. 
• Professor Genius: I am a professor. I am a genius. You may call me Professor Genius. And this is Bon Bon. 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A whimsical point of view of a nine year old boy, a love of toys, trains, and kings. No? Too hard? find a time machine or go watch some depressing story about a middle aged male with a receding hair line and 2 years shy of a midlife crisis

Trivia

• The Imp was the only character from the original comic strip to not make an appearance in this movie due to his racial caricature.
• This is the first anime film to receive a widespread national U.S. theatrical release.

Educational Content

Pretending to sleepwalk works if you want pie, doesn’t work if you want to go out to the bar late at night and pretend it wasn’t “you”

Justification for Rating

It may not be the most typical cult film, but in the world of family-friendly adventure films from Japan featuring boys in dreams, this one is surely the cream of the crop.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69637mM5-vM

Rating:

Review

Are you in a good mood? Are you feeling relatively happy and content with life and where you are headed? This ridiculously depressing film is just for you! Oldboy is about a man who is locked in a room for 15 years. He is then released and has absolutely no idea why that has happened to him, and through the course of the film, attempts revenge on the people who did it. There are some major plot developments in the film I wanted spoil here because I am not a dick, but Oldboy is truly in a class all its own. Park Chan-Wook is famous, and much of that has to do with the execution and sheer contextual style of this film. Simply a great piece of film, through and through.

Reason to Watch

There is an uninterrupted one-shot fight scene that spans a corridor and various minutes. It’s a phenomenal piece of film, and is now considered classic.

Context

Oldboy sets a tone, and delivers wildly throughout the entire run. it climaxes in something so intense it begs to be watched without a gaping jaw. Oldboy is spectacular in almost all components, and its thematic elements are strong.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Dae-su Oh: Even though I’m no more than a monster – don’t I, too, have the right to live? 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Thick skin, an empty stomach, and a bizarre attraction to 16 year old Asian girls.

Trivia

• Oldboy is planning to be remade by Spike Lee for an expected 2013 release
• Oldboy is considered the second part of a thematic trilogy, preceded by Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and followed by Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, all directed by Park Chan-wook

Educational Content

If you are locked in a room for 15 years, you will develop unparalleled martial arts skills

If you are going to cut off your tongue, you better have a good damn reason

Justification for Rating

We’ll let the critiques speak for the film- it’s unanimously considered a legendary piece of film-making, and its structured oh so well.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufss5ot_vGE

Rating:

Review

Gang warfare. it’s not always very pleasant (never is) but it does make for some great film-making. The television show The Wire handled it superbly and proved that being in a gang totally sucks. The thing is, and the Warriors preaches this well- gangs offer you protection, a protection that is only necessary if you are in a gang. The Warriors follows a few key gangs in New York City in the late 70′s. It’s also a no-holds-barred event of club beating, arrests, and getting the absolutel shit beat out of you. The ending? They all lose.

Reason to Watch

Urban kids beat the hell out of each other for no discernible reason. It’s a classic!

Context

The Warriors is awfully dated, but it captures a ruthlessness very few films have captured since in the gang livelihood. it’s also unintentionally hysterical, which gives the film legs.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Ajax: [to Swan] Since when are you a fuckin’ diplomat? 
• Ajax: Maybe you’re all just goin’ faggot. 

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A bat, to act out your favorite scenes as they play out

Trivia

• The name Ajax came after the Greek Warrior.
• Filming during the scene with the Orphans was interrupted by a police chase.
• Filming was allowed to take place uninterrupted all night, a first.

Educational Content

All female gangs are the toughest, don’t pretend they aren’t

Justification for Rating

The Warriors has some classic bad vs. bad vs. morally gray stories played out in an arena called New York City. It’s fresh, new- a 6 rating.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P6MqHccBSI

Coffy

Rating:

Reason to Watch

“Coffy” is one of many blaxploitation movies that Pam Grier starred in during the 1970s. She’s beautiful and occasionally believable, but most people just want to see her do her thing. Her thing is generally killing bad guys while looking good in a jumpsuit.

In “Coffy”, Pam plays an upstanding but no-nonsense nurse (named Coffy) who works hard and loves her little sister. The sister gets involved in drugs and gets hold of some bad heroin. This gets Coffy seriously pissed and she puts on her Killin’ People  jumpsuit, hides various and sundry weapons in her afro and hits the streets.  The rest of the movie consists of her running around the city shooting people with her shotgun. It’s fun.

Context

This is the era that brought us “Shaft” and Pam Grier was often called “The Female Shaft.”

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Coffy: (rubbing a bad guy’s crotch) Are you sure you’re not just a little black?
• Coffy:  It was easy for him because he really didn’t believe it was comin’, but it ain’t gonna be easy for you, because you better believe it’s comin’!

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A love of the 1970s will do you great service. The clothes, the music and the slang are a ton of fun.

Trivia

It was Pam’s idea to hide weapons in her rather impressive afro.

The head bad guy’s house actually belonged to Roy Rogers, who would probably put his own jumpsuit on if he knew.

Educational Content

• If you’re a bad guy about to kill an avenging woman, don’t believe her when she says she’d like to hook up before you do her in.
• Bad guys always believe avenging women when they say they want to hook up before being done in.

Justification for Rating

It’s funny (mostly unintentionally but sometimes not) and it’s retro.

Clip:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jVAIitIP-4

Ginger Snaps DVD Cover

Rating:

Review

Your first clue to the type of movie you’re about to see is the title, which is a play on words in a couple of witty ways. Ginger is the name of the lead character who is bitten and infected by a werewolf on the day she gets her period.  She then goes on a killing spree, as any self-respecting werewolf would. It’s also a euphemism for a quick, unexpected dog bite. This kind of black comedy is what you’re in for, along with a good bit of gore.

Ginger and her sister consider themselves weird because they stage and photograph bloody death scenes. Then they find out that they’re really weird because one of them is now a werewolf. Your basic heavy metal, sex kitten kinda werewolf, but a lycanthrope nonetheless. A pissy one, too.

Reason to Watch

If you’re into some pretty heavy gore, like pretty young women, dark humor and metal music, you’re probably going to be a happy little viewer.  If you’re into analysis of such films, you can ponder the fact that this film was praised for using werewolfism as a metaphor for puberty. To this reviewer (a female) , it seemed more like a tongue-in-cheek illustration of how deadly women can become when they’re on their period.

Context

This film started production right after Colombine and took quite a publicity hit for its glorifcation of teen violence.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Ginger: The fuck, Bee. This is your idea. If you don’t like your ideas, stop having them.
• Bridget: Are you sure it’s just cramps?
  Ginger: Just so you know… the words “just” and “cramps,” they don’t go together.

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Midol and a silver belly ring.

Educational Content

• Silver belly rings do not contain enough silver to cure werewolfism.
• Being a werewolf apparently makes you quite horny.

Justification for Rating

It’s heavy on the gore and a bit on the depressing side, even for horror. However, the occasional humor is quite good. In fact, writer Karen Walton won an International Horror Award for Pretty Funny Writing. Not making that up.

Clip

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zoa1A987A_k

Phantom of the Paradise Theatrical Poster

Rating:

Review

Before there was Rocky Horror, there was Phantom of the Paradise.

This rock opera-styled comedy written and directed by Brian dePalma is a witty and very campy blending of Faust and The Phantom of the Opera. The story is centered on songwriter and composer Winslow Leach (played more or less badly by William Finley), who has his music stolen and adulterated by the somewhat Satanic, wildly successful record producer Swan (played impishly and yet with a hint of sinister by Paul Williams).  When Leach confronts Swan, Swan has him beaten and imprisoned on trumped-up drug charges.

Leach manages a prison break, breaks into Swan’s record-press facility and gets disfigured by the hot presses while trying to sabotage the system. Later, he breaks into the rock palace owned by Swan and finds himself a nice phantom costume to wear as he begins a campaign to terrorize everyone and sabotage the opening of Swan’s new rock theatre. As with Phantom of the Opera, there’s a love interest and as with Faust, we know early on that Swan is something of a devil, who has Leach sign a “contract” in exchange for using his music.

Reason to Watch

There are some great lines in this movie, along with frequent and funny allusions to other films. The send-up of the famous shower scene from Psycho is one of the film’s funniest moments, as are the scenes featuring the effeminate-yet-butch lead singer Beef (played hilariously by Gerritt Graham). Some of the music isn’t bad, either, which isn’t surprising. Paul Williams created the score and wrote the songs for the film at the height of his career.

Context

Phantom of the Paradise came out at the height of the early 70s “Weird=Good” era. It bombed at the box office initially, but quickly became a cult favorite, especially in Canada, where it ran for a year.

If your idea of a good rock musical-movie is one that takes its music very seriously, then this flick will probably piss you off a bit. However, if you like music and films that make fun of themselves and the culture in which they were made, you’ll have a lot of fun.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Beef: I know drug -real from real-real.
• Beef: The karma in here is so thick you need an aqualung to breathe.
• Beef: Swan, this was scored for a chick. I’m not doing it in drag.

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

There’s something for everybody here: horror, comedy, rock music and romance. If you can’t find something to like in this movie, then a movie may not be able to help you, anyway. This is supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be silly and it’s supposed to be weird. It succeeds beautifully.

Grab some throwback snacks and  just enjoy the movie for what it is. Like all cult classics, it requires you to loosen up a bit, so do some stretching beforehand.

Trivia

Originally, Paul Williams was supposed to play the Phantom and Gerrit Graham was supposed to play Swan. Everyone switched roles just a couple of weeks before shooting started. Paul Williams felt he wasn’t quite scary enough. The diminutive songwriter who brought us “Just An Old-Fashioned Love Song” may have been right. But he’s nicely sleazy as Swan.

The actors who play the three bands in the film (The Juicy Fruits, The Beach Bums and The Undead) all did their own choreography, then just showed up to shoot.

Educational Content

• If someone asks you to sign a contract in blood, you really need to have a lawyer look at it first.
• Never face plant on a record press.

Justification for Rating

The movie does everything it sets out to do. Cheesy, yes, but not unsuccessful.

Clip

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n5qVJEg3qA

Rating:

Review

For one reason or another, Australia does “the musical” well. They rarely take it too serious, and they always add some innovative and relatively interesting flair to the experience to make it stick out among the wide breadth of musical films (Wait…there are a lot of them?). Regardless, Starstruck is stupid as it is awesome, like watching a homoerotic adventure of two racist hillbilies, Starstruck is a train wreck of a film begging to be challenged. Starstruck fails to challenge you mentally, but it does challenger your ears with a whole slew of awful songs playing on cliches of the theater world. if you thought Glee was bad, watch Starstruck tackle Hollywood fame and musical elitism, through the eyes of a typical Australian pop star. Don’t kill yourself yet, you haven’t even seen it!

Reason to Watch

It’s like a lamer more idiotic Hairspray, if Hairspray was lame or dumb. that makes sense, right?

Context

Even though many people just want to sort of forget that Australia, like, exists and stuff, we can at least be confident that they can manage some rather interesting little musicals. Though they aren’t really worth watching, their still proof that everyone in that country has no concerns whatever except “the dance.”

Most Memorable Quote(s)

• Nana: Lay off him, my love. you know he has a plate in his head
• Jackie: guitars are phallic symbols, and guitarists masturbate for a living. So God only knows why you’d need me

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A gay friend to translate what is happening in “gay talk”

Trivia

• This film was one of three Australian movies made in Australia during 1981-1982 which were musicals. The films include Starstruck, The Pirate Movie and The Return of Captain Invincible. 
• The New Years Eve event scenes were filmed over the course of 3 days

Educational Content

$25,000 will make you rich and change your life forever

Singing is cool, until it gets in the way of “fammilllyyy…”

Justification for Rating

Ok, so it’s a musical and it has themes of family and togetherness and love. It’s still really really dumb

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nro78Z_kYRY