Horror

Review of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Horror, Scifi Comments Off on Review of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus DVD CoverRating: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

In a world where science has dabbled where it should not, a military team searches for two predators that are… HOLY SHIT! THE SHARK JUMPED 10,000 FT IN THE AIR AND ATE A PASSENGER JET PLANE! HELL YEAH!

Reason to Watch

Pop icon Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas turn in exquisite performances as… LOOK, HONEY! THE OCTOPUS JUST DESTROYED A SUBMARINE!

Context

In our modern society, where the speed of science is outpacing religion and morality, this movie asks the hard questions about pro… HAHAHAH! THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE JUST GOT EATEN BY THE SHARK!!!

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Now if we don’t find the bible means of stopping this fucker, Sharkzilla is gonna own the seas.
  • Listen, screw these environmentalists. When I give the order, shoot to kill!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Beer, and possibly a pizza.

Trivia

In the scene where Emma, Seiji and Lamar are interrogated, Baxter (Lorenzo Lamas) describes Emma as “a woman whose career is all washed-up.” This is a pun on Deborah Gibson’s music career, which reached its peak with the album Electric Youth in 1989, but floundered through the 1990s.

Educational Content
  • Prehistorical animals that are preserved in ice are still alive.
  • Debbie Gibson got kinda fugly
  • Sharks will jump out of the ocean and eat airplanes.
Justification for Rating

It’s rare that a movie makes you reconsider the path of your career, and… DUDE! LORENZO LAMAS ABOUT TO OPEN THAT WHOOP ASS CAN ON THAT SHARK.

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Action

Review of Flash Gordon

Action, Scifi Comments Off on Review of Flash Gordon

Flash Gordon DVD Cover

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Review

Based on the 1930’s movie serials, Flash Gordon is a campy romp of Eighties science fiction excess, as our title hero squares off against the intergalactic tyrant, Ming the Merciless.

Reason to Watch

Queen provides a blood-pumping soundtrack that takes what would be just a shitty movie and turns it into a campfest of extravagant costumes, cheesy lines and implications of incest.

Context

Star Wars was making George Lucas into the plaid wearing financial titan that he is today, and every Hollywood producer on the block was searching for a space opera to compete. Flash Gordon was poorly received when it was first released but, as with all great cult movies, the geek community took a shine to it.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • I like to play with things a while before annihilation.
  • Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The bright colors, nonsensical dialogue and epic soundtrack call for a joint. But, as a responsible member of the community, I would never suggest that.

Trivia

Kurt Russell auditioned to play Flash Gordon.

Educational Content
  • Calling out football plays will flummox trained soldiers in melee fighting.
Justification for Rating

I can watch this over and over again, without fatigue. The costumes, the earnest acting that reminds one of a community production of “Macbeth,” the truly amazing soundtrack from Queen all add up to a solid 8 out of 10 on the cult movie meter.

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Horror

Review of Bad Taste

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Peter Jacksons Bad TasteRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

When four members of the New Zealand Astro Investigation and Defence Service (AIDS – well the movie is called bad taste) visit a small town in order to investigate a UFO siting they make some grisly discoveries and unveil a dastardly alien plot. The townsfolk have been murdered by aliens who, it turns out, are from the intergalactic fast food chain Crumb’s Crunchy Delights and human flesh is the delicacy they are seeking. A gore-fest ensues as Derek and his team do battle with the evil aliens. Lots of blood with a large dose of tongue-in cheek humor.

At times the movie has a somewhat amateurish feel but, for me, that just adds to its charm. Given that Peter Jackson made the film largely in his spare time, with the cast made up of friends and a budget tighter than a ducks ass I think a little slack should be cut.

Reason to Watch

Lots of gore, plenty of humor, man-eating aliens and an exploding sheep, what more could you ask for?

Context

Made over a four year period and funded by himself initially and completed with a grant from the New Zealand Film Commission. Peter Jacksons’ first foray into film – enough said really, a birth of a movie great.

Most Memorable Quotes

“I’m a Derek and Dereks don’t run!”

“Why can’t aliens be friendly?”

What You Need To Get Through This Movie

A real late-night beer and friends movie and it is preferable to have already had a few prior to starting the film. A love of gore certainly helps and also those from the US need an understanding that a “mate” has a different meaning outside of the USA. Possibly also a visit to Christians of Facebook to really feel terrible.

Trivia

The film contains the only known cinematic depiction of a sheep being blown up with an anti-tank missile.

Educational Content
  1. People carrying axes are rarely friendly.
  2. Having a bayonet hammered into your heel hurts.
  3. Blood is very slippery so make sure to mop it up before someone gets hurt.
  4. Throwing pine cones at someone who has a chainsaw is likely to be an ineffective form of defence.
  5. Kicking a decapitated torso in the balls accomplishes very little.
Justification for Rating

The film has plenty of gore and enough humorous moments to make-up for some of its’ shortfalls.

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Scifi

Review of Plan 9 from Outer Space

Scifi Comments Off on Review of Plan 9 from Outer Space

Plan 9 from Outer SpaceRating: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Plan 9 from Outer Space is about as bad as it gets in film making, but definitely follows the ‘so bad it’s good” mentality. The plot is just inane and senseless, but you do get a grasp of Ed Wood’s charm and eccentricity, and for classic film buffs, this is probably considered essential viewing. it also features some of the last-used footage of classic actor Bela Lugosi of Dracula fame. The movie is awful, truly and desperately awful. But its appeal somehow stands the test of time, and the dated special effects, even in the late 50’s, still holds a unique…umm..charm.

Reason to Watch

Ed Wood made zombies cool before they were even called zombies. In Ed Wood’s classically terrible film, Plan 9 From Outer Space, a group of aliens attempt to stop the humans from launching a doomsday device that would destroy the universe.

Context

it’s a classic, because you are told it’s a classic. So if you want to pretend you know about films, you sort of, by default, have to see it. that;’s just the way it goes. It’s also hilarious and if you want to prove snuffy film buffs that old films are actually terrible too, this is the way to do it.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Paula Trent: Now, don’t you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I’ll be locked up safely in there.
  • Colonel Tom Edwards: Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth? 
    Eros: Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots. 
  • Tanna: What do you think will be the next obstacle the Earth people will put in our way? 
    Eros: Well, as long as they can think – we’ll have our problems. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The movie had poor special effects even for 1959. Put yourself in the time, don’t finish 2009’s horrible special effects foray Transformers and dive into Plan 9 From Outer Space. Maybe a good search through Bigfoot pictures and alien spaceships or a SparksNotes reading of H.G. wells War of the Worlds will get you in the mood. It’s the only way.

Trivia
  1. Tim Burton’s biopic, Ed Wood, follows the famed director’s critical years, climaxing in the release and public damnation of Plan 9 From Outer Space.
  2. Bela Lugosi stars in the film posthumously, using regurgitated stock footage from previous films, as well as a few clips filmed right before his death
Educational Content

With 15,000 US dollars and friends with alien suits, even YOU could make a film as embarrassingly amazing.

Justification for Rating

Despites its major flaws, Plan 9 From outer Space is truly a classic in every sense of the word. yes, it will not stand prominently up to more visually respected mediums, its a great example of a man (Ed Wood) with motivation and no skills doing what he wants to simply because he wants to and he can.

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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2ukRYsYPmo

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Scifi

Review of Zontar the Thing From Venus

Scifi 1 Comment »

Zontar the Thing From VenusRating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Review

This is not yout typical cheesy B flick. It was cornier the most yet I have to admit i kind of liked it. i’m not really into this type of Sci Fi but I am glad I saw this movie. There is a rocket scientist, who makes a home made “high power” radio set. With this radio he starts to get messages from Zontar. Zontar is from Venus and thinks Earth people need to see/learn what it’s like to be without our form of communication. He wants to be in command of everyone. People can’t even take a bath without the okay from this Venus weirdo! The rest of the movie I was kind of lost. It was hard to follow as nothing really made any sense- typical of these type of films.I mean the film had these bat looking animals biting people and putting a micro chip in them that made them virtual slaves to this Zontar creature. I guess it could have been worse :) The drama in the movie was great. the actors did a great job!

Reason to Watch

If you are into old SciFi movies and have a funny compulsion for outerspave weirdos that land on Earth to try and take over our world you will not be disappointed!

Context

This movie was released in 1966 in Dallas Texas. The idea at that time was aliens were being spotted in our desert states (Texas, Arizonia, etc) so filming in texas at that time was made for a more believable movie.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

It must come from learning; it must come from the very heart of Man himself.

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

You need these things:
1) A beer bong and a 12 pack
2) A water bong and a lot of medicinal marijuanna
3) A lifelong membership to StarTrek fanclub
4) an IQ of 12
or
5)A total love of all things cheesy and super corny!

Trivia

This movie wasshot in 16mm and color. It was also made for television, not released in theaters.

Educational Content

If you ever come across a creature from Venus and you are a lady you do have a chance of survivng, heck you might even get your very own gun! All you have to do is stick your chest out, add a little padding if needed and smile!
In extreme situations you may have to disrobe.

Justification for Rating

I gave this movie a 6. It is not the best SciFi but it looked as though the cast really put their heart into the project because it was good acting for such a chessy film. I thought it was well written. Vontar was a mess but…

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