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If I told you that a movie had blood, guts, gore, and a Playboy model, you would probably be pretty excited, right? Don’t pull your pants down just yet: Blood Feast is an abomination of all that is horrific.

Fuad Ramses is the proprietor of an Egyptian catering business when said Playmate’s mom rings up and asks him to prepare something… different. Ramses, of course, suggests something… Egyptian: an Egyptian Feast! Little does any know (although they should, given that they explain to everyone at every chance possible exactly what an Egyptian Feast consists of), all of the murders that have been happening lately are just Ramses collecting the ingredients for said feast. Good thing your typical Keystone Cops are on the case (yeesh!). Read the rest of this entry »

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Poor fellow Henry Spencer has knocked up Mary X and her insane parents insist that he now has to do the right thing. The only problem is, the baby is a weird mutant sheep thing, incessantly crying and getting a disgustiing cough every ten seconds. Yech!! What’s a guy to do but escape into a fantasy world of, well, imaginary seed pod worms, gigantic sperm, and mash potato-cheeked singing whores? That’s what, I guess.

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This 1959 Roger Corman film is a great example of B-Movies gone good. Walter Paisley is an inept artist working as a busboy at The Yellow Door, the heppest beatnik club around. When he accidentally kills his landlord’s cat, inspiration strikes and his fame is assured. Read the rest of this entry »

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Izo is a demonic schizophrenic misogynist ronin killing machine with the ability to time travel. Izo is bent on reaching his goal of achieving “divine retribution,” no matter how many people he has to kill in horrible, horrible ways. The blood does not stop in this movie, be it from decapitation or sex. No one is immune from Izo’s wrath – just ask his mother or the garbage men. Read the rest of this entry »

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You have to love a film with more titles than substance. Gallery of Horrors aka Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors aka The Blood Suckers aka Alien Massacre aka Return from the Past, or whatever the hell its called, is a compilation of five short stories: “The Witch’s Clock,” “The Spark of Life,” “Monster Raid,” “King Vampire,” and “Count Alucard” – which is credited as “Count Dracula” just to be nice and inconsistent. What makes each of these shorts so unbelievably bad/good is not the comically poor acting, the seemingly endless use of the same ten seconds of stock footage or the clichéd plots, but rather, the “surprise” endings of each sketch. Each short ends with that a “dun dun duh!” kind of style, only lacking in any surprise whatsoever. The “who would have guessed that the guy-dressed-as-a-vampire was a vampire” type of endings will leave you in hysterics. The main issue I had with it is that one title is “Alien Massacre” – and there wasn’t one bloody alien in sight! Read the rest of this entry »