Comedy

Review of Return of the Living Dead

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Return of the Living DeadRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

When Dan O’Bannon and George Romero crafted Night of the Living Dead in the late 60’s, the producers and the duo themselves never obtained proper copyright. In totality, the franchise naming and overall premise wasn’t particularly owned by anyone, allowing both O’Bannon and Romero to create two deviating franchises based on the original movie. Due to creative differences, the two parted, and O’Bannon took a more humors approach to the zombie apocalypse, ushering in Return of the Living Dead and four sequels. And like many many-sequeled franchises, it is the earliest iteration that obtains the most respect. Return of the Living Dead is a largely comical trope through the zombie outbreak, drowning in comical overdone make-up effects and solidifying many zombie archetypes that stay in place even to today.

Reason to Watch

If you felt the zombie apocalypse story lacked a little comedy relief this way of jar Jar Binks or Animal House, return of the Living Dead is there to save the day.

Context

Return of the Living Dead is violent, gruesome, and horrifying stupid. With that said, it’s pure unrelenting entertainment, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Burt Wilson: I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it’d die! 
    Frank: It worked in the movie! 
    Burt Wilson: Well, it ain’t working now, Frank! 
    Freddy: You mean the movie lied? 
  • Suicide: How come you guys only come around when you need a ride someplace? 
    Spider: ‘Cause you’re one spooky motherfucker, man. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A love for zombie films is pretty necessary. this thing is straight zombie grade-A sweetness

Trivia
  • The film’s original intention was to be filmed in 3-D. Not quite Avatar level 3-D I’m sure, but also two decades before that movie became a hit
  • Executives attempted to get George A. Romero involved with the project as producer, and had a hefty lump to pay. He never responded
  • The director was shocked to see so many females interested in the film, saying he would have shown Thom Matthews naked if he knew that would occur
Educational Content

Even in death, you have a sense of humour

Nicknames make you zombie fodder

Justification for Rating

This unrelenting take on the zombie franchise works better as a comedy and as an entertaining film far more than any of George A. Romero’s latter-day zombie attempts where he essentially took the zombies in a direction of banding together and forming societies- except without the comedy and more of a “we’re serious, we’re building a farm” angle. it was awful.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wylpeAXYcBQ

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Comedy

Review of Joe vs. the Volcano

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Joe Versus The VolcanoRating: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Before Tom Hanks was mentally ill in Forest Gump or stuck on an island in Cast Away, he was retarded AND trapped in Joe vs. the Volcano. Ok, so he wasn’t actually mentally ill really, and he was only mentally lost, not, like, literally on an island, but Joe vs. the Volcano has Tom hawnks at his most intolerable (capped by an infuriating performance by has-been uber-obnoxious Meg Ryan. When Joe discovers he has an incurable disease (hate when that happens) he decides to throw himself into a volcano in Hawaii, because what else are you going to do? Joe vs. the Volcano is inately stupid, but not any more than any Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler trite of the last 15 years. tom hanks may be a mega-actor now, but right before he acted in Philadelphia, he probably should have thrown himself into a real Hawaiian volcano.

Reason to Watch

if you consider yourself unintelligent, or if you liked You’ve Got Mail, I guess this one is tailor-made for you

Context

Joe vs. the Volcano has a little something to say about life, but its so littered in romantic cliches and a contrived pointless plot that menaders in wasit deep water for 2 hours (quite literally) than this film might be worth checking out.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Joe Banks: So I’m not sick? Except for this terminal disease?
  • Angelica: You’re in a rotten mood.
    Patricia: It’s the sunshine. Gets me down.
  • Joe Banks: I tell you one thing, though. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we’re gonna take this luggage with us!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A high tolerance for sappy Tom Hanks inspired romantic subplots

Educational Content

Meg Ryan is adorable if you’re Tom Hanks. if you are not, you want to slug her with a bat

There are far more productive less grade-B plot ways to kill yourself than diving in a volcano

if anything kills your motivation for suicide, it’s realizing how hard it is

Justification for Rating

Though the film has garnered a solid cult following, it is hard to ignore the fact that it relies on far too many cliches and typical plot directions to remain anything more than bland and forgettable

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGLKnAvzlg4

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Horror

Review of Theater of Blood

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Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Review

What does a frustrated Shakespearean actor do, when he is consistently passed up for awards by a group of critics who simply can’t see his vision? Knock them off, of course, setting up elaborate schemes, taken from the Bard himself.

Reason to Watch

I suppose that Vincent Price chewing scenery is reason enough for many cult film fanatics, but for those who need more convincing, the film is actually quite well done. The acting is on par with the British horror films of the time, and Jigsaw could learn a few things from the imaginatively horrific fates the critics suffer. (Don’t ask about the dog)

Context

Vincent Price was a standard of 70’s British horror, and this is a perfect showpiece for his stage acting abilities.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • You begin to resent an actor if you always have to give him bad notices.
  • Critics are likely to make enemies, inspector. You can call it an occupational hazard.
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

This movie is best savored with a glass of red wine and a theater geek.

Trivia

Vincent Price met his wife Carol on set during the filming of this movie.

Educational Content
  • Don’t try to get crazy hippies out of an abandoned building by yourself.
Justification for Rating

Great acting, great plot.. it makes for an enjoyable watching experience/

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Action

Review of Killer Klowns From Outer Space

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Killer Klowns From Outer SpaceRating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Space aliens that look like clowns are attacking the populace of a small town, and its up to a group of teenagers with an ice cream truck to save the day.

Reason to Watch

You always knew there was something wrong about clowns, something not right… This film reveals the secrets behind the clown conspiracy. Watch in horror as innocent victims are wrapped in cotton candy, only to have their blood sucked out by vampiric aliens using silly straws.

Context

Teen horror was big business in the 1980’s, and this toned down offering was intended to pullin crowds who were unable to get into one of the Friday the 13th sequels.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • It was a space ship. And there was these things, these killer clowns, and they shot popcorn at us! We barely got away!
  • Killer clowns, from outer space. Holy shit!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A bag of circus peanuts, and some mescaline.

Trivia

Director Stephen Chiodo had hoped the shower scene would rival Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece Psycho, substituting a toilet bowl swirl for the shower drain.

Educational Content
  • Clowns are evil.
  • Small town law enforcement hates teenagers.
  • Clowns are evil.
Justification for Rating

This movie is great fun, as long as you don’t have a fear of clowns. Over the top sets, horrible dialogue and less than passable acting all add up to a hot time under the big top

Clip

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Comedy

Review of Withnail and I

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Withnail and I posterRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

Withnail and I is sort of like “Of Mice and Men,” except less American countryside and more British slums. Also more cooperation and less “I carry you entirely,” between the two main protagonist. In Actuality, it’s nothing like  “Of Mice and Men,” but it does have two charming leads that fail miserably at everything they do, so in that regard, we can see the comparisons with a British humor slant. If you find yourself enemployed, struggling, British, or just intensely stupid, you may be able to relate to the adventures of the film. it’s a comical odyssey, except with more coffee houses and less mythical Medusa woman. The film is quite an adventure, and though we may be only slightly able to relate to the misfortunes of the two leads, we find the charm and humor memorable and engrossing none the less.

Reason to Watch

There are many allusions to classic Shakespearean text, so that is absolutely a reason to watch. Or…

Context

The film is essentially a character study of two struggling men, surrounded in a palette of dry humor and British flair. For those interested in that idea, Withnail and I is about as good as it gets.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Withnail: Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can’t. 
  • Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now! 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Money, because without it, you may find eerie illusions to your own life to these two failing individuals, and you may climb and dive off the nearest bridge.

Trivia
  • Richard E. grant played the over the top drunk, Withnail. grant is a well known non-drinker, rarely having gotten intoxicated.
  • It was this film that prompted the family of Jimi Hendrix to take back full control over the use of his songs. They had grown dismayed by the association of Hendrix with drug culture in general.
Educational Content

They call bars pubs in Britian

Cops are dicks even in the U.K.

Justification for Rating

Withnail and I doesn’t have much to say, but watching this train wreck of a set of lead characters in Withnail and “unnamed” is unadultered entertainment, if you’re successful and awesome. if not, you may be who Withnail and I is based on and I am sincerely sorry about that, as you read this in your local library because you can not afford Internet.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5EmCKbWS6c

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