Action

Review of Death Race 2000

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Death Race 2000 ReviewRating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Review

Do you like video games? Do you like murdering people? Do you think playing video games that murder people is not only awesome, but morally awesome? Death Race 2000 pits you as a viewer, in a game where individuals who are usually burly, unnecessarily aggressive, and drowning in their own testosterone against others where they race, main, and kill each other- to death. the better the kill, the more points. The film, at only 80 minutes, barely gives us any characterization, but not that we expected any from something called Death Race 2000. The film is stupid- extremely almost godly stupid, but unlike many films that are stupid and just not worth watching, Death Race 2000 is more entertaining than any Transformers move of the last decade.

Reason to Watch

Sylvester Stallone plays someone awesome who isn’t Rambo, a career 180.

Context

It is the dystopian future of the year 2000 where people battled for their lives in massive car arenas. In the REAL year 2000, city kids played Nintendo 64 on their 420 resolution tv’s and downloaded songs from Napster at the quick immediate pace of 10 kb a second through their dial-up connection.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Matilda the Hun: Whoever named your car the Bull… was only half right! 
  • Junior: Here he comes: Machine Gun Joe! Loved by thousands, hated by millions! 
  • Frankenstein: You want to make love to me because I drive the Monster and wear this costume. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A Sylvester Stallone plush Rambo doll

Trivia

Producer Roger Corman did many of the driving himself because the stuntmen were nervous they would get nabbed by cops or driving cars that were not street legal

The original role of Frankenstein was offered to Jane Fonda who found the film too ridiculous to humor with words

Educational Content
  • You can transform a terribly beat-up Vokswagan into a badass killing machine with Roger Corman on your side
  • Nothing is street legal, really
Justification for Rating

It is hard to rate Death Race 2000 because you know if you will like it or not far before you even watch a minute. a 6 sounds reasonable for a movie that should be awful

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of1UF-qVc18

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Action

Review of Highlander

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Highlander PosterRating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Review

A cult status can really elevate a film into something truly special. Highlander is an excellent film through and through. Upon its release, it received mediocre ratings and an overall pass. Yet through years of a dedicated following, the film saw a resurgence in the form of 4 terrible sequels, merchandise, and iconic status in its catchphrase and dialogue. There can be only one! Highlander is the story of a group of warriors who have been fighting to the “death” for centuries. The catch? The warriors are immortal, and only destiny can determine when this vicious battle will end. Connor is a skilled tactical fighter, but he obtains the training from Juan Sqanchex, played by Sean Connery, and the film really elevates into something unique.

Highlander is well constructed and enthralling, and for a cult film, it doesn’t rely on cheesy atypical scenarios and doesn’t break its own rules (probably because it wasn’t really meant to be a cult film given the actors and budget). Highlander’s intriguing plot stands the test of time.

Reason to Watch

Other than the fact that it truly is a cult classic in all regards, and essentially represents cult film-making in its prime form, it also has some amazing choreographed fight scenes. Sort of like Mortal Kombat, except with more tights.

Context

Highlander tells two key stories, and follows characters through hundreds of years of violence and trouble. outside of the premise, and it is quite a premise, you have a film that says a lot about the changing tides of culture wrapped in a casing of excellent swordsmanship and classic lines from Sean Connery.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Ramirez: Why does the sun come up, or are the stars just pinholes in the curtain of night? 
  • Kurgan: Tonight you sleep in hell. 
  • Angus MacLeod: He’s a Highlander, by God, and the last sound he hears should not be that of a wailing woman! 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

You will probably need a to mail order a $1,000 sword from highlander. it’s hard to resist not buying one after Highlander.

Trivia

Christopher Lambert, who played Connor, had just barely learned to speak English when he took this role.

Rock band Queen scored the film.

All of Sean Connery‘s scenes had to be filmed in a week due to Connery’s schedule. He had a bet with director Russell Mulcahy that they would not finish in seven days, but Mulcahy won the bet. 

Educational Content

Sean Connery is a better teacher than you

Queen can record a great soundtrack better than you

Everyone and everything involved with this film is better than you

Justification for Rating

Highlander is just about the quintessential cult film, with a phenomenal and innovative story. The many sequels that get exponentially worse after each one, soils the premise and franchise

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYOE_b4aYD0

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Action

Review of Battle Royale

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Battle Royale PosterRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

Battle Royale is quite a movie. Set in a dystopian future, 42 students are collected onto an island and forced to kill each other until one remains. that one “wins,” and survives. This is a televised event called Battle Royale, and happens yearly. Here is the premise, and the plot barely goes beyond that. Every teenage archetype is accounted for- nerd, jock, slut, main boring protagonist. The film is certainly Japanese and has that prototypical vibe, but it does a lot more than that through its use of messages and thematic elements. Battle Royale is violent and gruesome, and the characters are paper thin, but for those who want a message, it;s there. For those who want to see young Japanese girls killing kids with scythes, that’s here for you as well.

Reason to Watch

Young attractive Japanese schoolgirls stab, main, and murder each other, so, like, there’s that.

Context

for those who can look beyond the punishingly merciless premise, they will come to find a tragic and thought-provoking tale of the young put into a position that is, quite literally, life or death. It represents a wholly satisfying take on survivalism, and holds nothing back in its delivery and execution.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Kyouichi Motobuchi: If I survive, can I go home? 
    Teacher Kitano: Yes, but only if everyone else is dead. 
  • Chigusa: Shouldn’t you be worried about your life, instead of that useless micropenis of yours?
  • Mitsuko: This is my weapon. I thought it was so-so, but actually, it’s not so bad. Found Yoshimi and Kuramoto dead next door – strung up all cozy together. Not my scene! I’ll never die like THAT! 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The realization that this has subtitles, so you idiots out there who hate reading no matter the cost, go watch your crappy non-subtitled film. It’s probably worth noting that the dialogue is awfully silly, but then again, it is Japanese.

Trivia
  • Battle Royale is based on a novel, which also has a different ending than the film
  • Quentin Tarantino, famed director of Pulp Fiction and those overrated trite Kill Bill films states Battle Royale is one of his favorite films ever
  •  The 15 volume manga, Battle Royale, began serialization in America in 2003, before the DVD release of the film in the States
  • A film sequel released  independent to the film and novel. It was critically panned
  • Battle Royale released almost a full decade before “The Hunger Games” so before you speak, know your stuff
Educational Content

if you kill yourself, you die. If you ask for help, you die. if you team up with friends, they will kill you. Pots and pans are weaker than guns, and woman become crazy after wielding a scythe. there is also a master computer hacker in every 9th grade class.

Justification for Rating

Below all the unadulterated blistering violence, cheesy dialogue, and controversial bannings, lies a film that says far more than one would ever expect. Battle Royale just WORKS. It works beyond the “so bad it’s good” and it works despite the contrived dialogue. The pure insanity and premise is so intriguing and original at its time, it instantly classifies as a classic horror/action film among the peak of quality.

Clip

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04bZIZDn0jo

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Action

Review of The Phantom Ship

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Phantom ShipRating: ★★★½☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

This movie is the action/thriller/mystery/horror film about the legendary Marie Celeste. A phantom ship that was found floating adrift in the ocean in 1872. The ship was still fully stocked with the goods it was preparing to deliver. The sails were fully set and no one was found on board.
The movie is a fictionalized account of what they believe might have happened. In the story, the crew are disgruntled from day one when they were forced to join the crew. The animosity is present at the start and each member of the crew has their own reason for wanting the captain dead. To make matters worse, he has brought his new bride which only adds to the tension.
It doesn’t help that the person in charge of the crew hands is sadistic and continually beats the crew. He is brutal and mean, and it sets the sailors all on edge.

Reason to Watch

This movie is a classic B picture. If you are looking for great acting…this ain’t it! The movie is worth watching for 2 reasons.
1. The overacting, especially Bela Lugosi, is worth watching. It’s truly comical to watch how some of the actors in this movie contort their fact to show the horror of what is happening.
2. The big murder scene, we see one of the characters getting shot in the butt. You would think this would just knock him to the ground, instead we see him do a classic over the top death, with a quick shot to the butt.

Context

This movie was made when Bela was a big star. I’m sure this was a vehicle that they had hoped would draw off his star power. Done in the 50s, and in black and white, there was no need for big special effects.

Most Memorable Quote(s)

“Black cat…that’s bad.”

What You Need to Get Through This Movie

I would recommend watching this movie with a high potent energy drink. While spots have some comedic value, there are times this story draaaags!

Trivia

I couldn’t find any trivia for this movie…sorry.

Educational Content

It’s amazing in the movie that even though they just threw the corpse in, there was a shark immediately there to be attracted to it. I have always understood that sharks are actually attracked to the movement and thrashing…and that if you are near a shark, you shouldn’t move so it would swim by.

Justification for Rating

While you may find yourself wondering if you should set the snooze alarm to keep yourself awake, there are moments this movie isn’t that bad. The story is pretty well written, but the acting prevents you from fully enjoying it.

Clip

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Action

Review of Breakout from Oppression

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Breakout from OppressionRating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Fonda Chu is a young woman who was just released from prison and is looking to make a fresh start. Things begin to look promising when a letter arrives offering her work at a newspaper in small town. Inquiring minds want to know who she is and where she came from. But it seems that no matter how hard she tries someone will not let her forget her past. Strange and awful things begin to happen to those around her and all fingers point straight to her. Fonda must figure out who is responsible and answer questions to her past before it is too late. Read the rest of this entry »

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