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Review of Killer Klowns From Outer Space

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Killer Klowns From Outer SpaceRating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Space aliens that look like clowns are attacking the populace of a small town, and its up to a group of teenagers with an ice cream truck to save the day.

Reason to Watch

You always knew there was something wrong about clowns, something not right… This film reveals the secrets behind the clown conspiracy. Watch in horror as innocent victims are wrapped in cotton candy, only to have their blood sucked out by vampiric aliens using silly straws.

Context

Teen horror was big business in the 1980’s, and this toned down offering was intended to pullin crowds who were unable to get into one of the Friday the 13th sequels.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • It was a space ship. And there was these things, these killer clowns, and they shot popcorn at us! We barely got away!
  • Killer clowns, from outer space. Holy shit!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A bag of circus peanuts, and some mescaline.

Trivia

Director Stephen Chiodo had hoped the shower scene would rival Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece Psycho, substituting a toilet bowl swirl for the shower drain.

Educational Content
  • Clowns are evil.
  • Small town law enforcement hates teenagers.
  • Clowns are evil.
Justification for Rating

This movie is great fun, as long as you don’t have a fear of clowns. Over the top sets, horrible dialogue and less than passable acting all add up to a hot time under the big top

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Review of “Template Review”

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Rating: ★★★★★★★★★★

Review

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Reason to Watch

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Context

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Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Praesent vel neque enim, quis dapibus diam.
  • Morbi aliquam auctor pharetra. Aliquam erat volutpat. Proin bibendum varius est sit amet sodales.
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

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Trivia

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Educational Content
  • Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.
  • Praesent vel neque enim, quis dapibus diam. Morbi aliquam auctor pharetra.
  • Aliquam erat volutpat. Proin bibendum varius est sit amet sodales. Donec in eros sem.
  • Proin nec adipiscing quam. Morbi eget orci a urna auctor ullamcorper.
  • Donec convallis elit eu nisl scelerisque id suscipit augue tempor.
Justification for Rating

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Review of Flash Gordon

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Flash Gordon DVD Cover

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Review

Based on the 1930’s movie serials, Flash Gordon is a campy romp of Eighties science fiction excess, as our title hero squares off against the intergalactic tyrant, Ming the Merciless.

Reason to Watch

Queen provides a blood-pumping soundtrack that takes what would be just a shitty movie and turns it into a campfest of extravagant costumes, cheesy lines and implications of incest.

Context

Star Wars was making George Lucas into the plaid wearing financial titan that he is today, and every Hollywood producer on the block was searching for a space opera to compete. Flash Gordon was poorly received when it was first released but, as with all great cult movies, the geek community took a shine to it.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • I like to play with things a while before annihilation.
  • Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The bright colors, nonsensical dialogue and epic soundtrack call for a joint. But, as a responsible member of the community, I would never suggest that.

Trivia

Kurt Russell auditioned to play Flash Gordon.

Educational Content
  • Calling out football plays will flummox trained soldiers in melee fighting.
Justification for Rating

I can watch this over and over again, without fatigue. The costumes, the earnest acting that reminds one of a community production of “Macbeth,” the truly amazing soundtrack from Queen all add up to a solid 8 out of 10 on the cult movie meter.

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Review of Fight Club

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Fight Club Movie PosterRating: ★★★★★★★★★☆
Review

In this extremely dark and violent comic drama, the “Narrator” a depressed, angst ridden young man is dissatisfied with the world around him. He hates his work and has attempted to mask his emptiness by assembling his “perfect” apartment. In order to relieve his insomnia he’s taken to visiting support groups for patients with terminal diseases. His path changes radically when, on a business flight, he meets Tyler Durden, a charming soap salesman. Tyler doesn’t value a world driven by consumerism and he believes that men can learn through pain, misfortune and chaos. Tyler cheerfully challenges his new friend to a fight. The Narrator finds that bare-knuckle fighting makes him feel alive and soon the two become friends and roommates, meeting to fight once a week. As more men join in, the “fight club” becomes a sinister underground movement that spreads across the country, even though it’s meant to be a closely guarded secret among the participants. As the Narrator and Tyler continue to bond, a strange situation becomes further complicated when Tyler becomes involved with Marla, whom the Narrator became infatuated with when they were both gate-crashing the support-group circuit. As the “fight club” movement progressively darkens where will it all end?

Lots of violence, plenty of shocks, plot twists and a great ending what more could you want?

Reason to Watch

Any film that has a leading British film critic describing it as “an inadmissible assault on personal decency” has got to go straight onto the “must watch” list I reckon. Oh and Brad Pitt with his shirt off, if thats the sort of thing that floats your boat.

Context

Some people apparently saw the film as dangerous and a promotion Nazism, which seems rather overly-dramatic and suggests that these people need to get out more.

Most Memorable Quotes

“The things you own end up owning you.”

“The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club….”

“With a long enough timeline, the probability of survival is zero.”

What You Need To Get Through This Movie

Just in case the urge to re-enact fight scenes takes hold ensure that you only invite round your weediest and most feeble of friends. Smelling salts, first aid kit and route to nearest Emergency Room should all be kept close at hand. Plenty of booze should be made available for Dutch courage before and to mask the pain after the fighting.

Trivia

The home-made recipe for Napalm provided by Tyler was incorrect, for obvious safety reasons. Some sources state that the recipe was accurate in the book upon which the film was based but, in fact, that too was false (at the insistence of the books publishers). If I had known this sooner I would not have wasted a great deal of tasty orange juice in attempting a reenactment of scenes from Apocalypse Now last summer.

Educational Content
  1. You can make soap from the fat of humans.
  2. Misuse of steroids can land you with a nasty pair of breasts.
  3. Messing around with lye is a bad idea, that shit burns!
  4. Exercise helps you get healthy, natural sleep.
  5. Ikea do some nice furniture.
Justification for Rating

The film is challenging and controversial but is hugely watchable, quotable and enjoyable.

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Review of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

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Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! posterRating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! should have been the perfect movie. It is an exploitation film from the mid-60’s, encircling around three go-go dancers. Their beautiful and charming, and the fact that the go-go dance gives them a weird wholesomeness that is vacant from a stripper, so if you like your girls dancing as opposed to be ing naked, here you go. They hatch a plan to rob a wheel-chair bound man who assists them in temporary living on his farm. Why we would need an elaborate plan to rob a man who can’t walk is never quite explained. Regardless, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is violent, dirty, and sexual promiscuous- just about the perfect movie ever. yet it lacks any nudity (there is none) which is a clear violation of standard exploitation flair and makes this film unwatchable for a lack of a payoff.

Reason to Watch

Go-go dancing, violence, and Lori Williams just about sums it up.

Context

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! does not hold up over time. For a film that was deemed so controversial upon release, it does stand as rather tame. Yet it remains a polarizing film for its plot structure and characters who seem to have a little depth in a genre that usually didn’t do much for their characters other than allow them as vessels for my violence shit to happen to them.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • The Old Man: Women! They let ’em vote, smoke and drive – even put ’em in pants! And what happens? A Democrat for president!
  • Tommy: I work on this baby the same way, trying to get maximum performance.
  • Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen – welcome to violence!
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

The knowledge that your girlfriend will never be as cool as Varla.

Trivia

Russ Meyer named the movie like this because he claims that a movie has everything when it contains speed (faster), sex (pussycat) and violence(kill,kill)

Educational Content
  • Killing someone has consequence
  • If your son is mnentally ill, name hill “Vegetable” for consistency’s sake
Justification for Rating

The problem with Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is not so much that the film is bad, it’s that the ridiculous plot and inane actions of the characters are not offset by seeing the girls naked. Not that a film NEEDS that to be watchable by any means, but a mid 60’s exploitation film titled Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! that is as hackneyed and bizarre as this one DOES.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zktang91b4Y

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