Drama

Review of Amores Perros

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Amores PerrosRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Review

Amores Perros is Spanish for “Love’s a Bitch, roughly, and follows a few interlocking stories about family, death, and dog fighting. The film is tied together by a car accident. For example, the victim is a woman who becomes paralyzed, the one who crashed into her is a boy in love with a girl he can’t have and makes money dogfighting is prize pet. The last story follows a vagrant, a homeless man who is as crazy as he is awesome. In essence, it is the car accident that begins the story and closes it, but it is how the characters came to the situation as well as how they deal with the reprecussions that makes this film. Charming is not quite the word I would use, as the events depicted are depressing and ruthless. Yet it is a punch in the stomach well deserved. Viewers need a good hit to shack them from the monotony and come to, possibly, realize what life is all about REALLY. Not bad for a cult film.

Reason to Watch

Well the movie certainly won’t cheer you up, bt its sheer rawness and gritty character depictions is worthy of watching. the structure of te film is also very unique and enthralling.

Context

Amores Perros is gritty, undoubtedly depressing, and builds sympathy for characters you outright should hate. Not every film can be Toy Story 2

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Susana: You and your plans. You know what my grandmother used to say? If you want to make God laugh… tell Him your plans. 
  • El Chivo: At the time, I thought there were more important things than being with you and your mom. I wanted to set the world right, and then share it with you. I failed, as you can see. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A tissuebox, not for um..anything sexual, but for your waterfall of inevitable tears

Trivia
  • A disclaimer stating that no animals were harmed in the making of the movie comes at the beginning instead of being buried in the credits. There are many depictions of animal violence, particularly around dogs
  • “Negro”, the name “El Chivo” picks for his dog at the end of the movie is also the well-known nickname for the film’s director, Alejandro González Iñárritu
  • This is considered part one of  Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s ”death trilogy,” followed by 21 Grams and Babel starring Brad Pitt.
Educational Content

All female gangs are the toughest, don’t pretend they aren’t

Justification for Rating

The Warriors has some classic bad vs. bad vs. morally gray stories played out in an arena called New York City. It’s fresh, new- a 6 rating.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCOXqoqs54w&feature=fvst

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Horror

Review of They Live

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They LiveRating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Review

They Live is a seriously stupid movie, yet interestingly, that sort of reflects the culture of the times and the themes of the film. They Live has aliens ruling the world through television (media) turning all the people into slaves of the aliens (media). The people consume and consume to fuel the aliens strive for dominance, and the people are powerless to stop them. It seems like a terrible C-grade alien flick, and it most certainly is. But it also speaks on the culture of the era in a weird way. After John Carpenter took a break from milking the tit of the Halloween franchise, he encapsulated an overall thought process with intrigue and suspense, encased in a shell of a stupid movie.

Reason to Watch

They Live doesn’t pander to you as much as you deserve it to, and for that, it is worth your time.

Context

It’s a throwback to 50′s alien-grade visuals, and it has underlining messages of mass-consumerism and greed helmed by John Carpenter. Not bad for a one trick pony.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum. 
  • Nada: Wooo. It’s like a drug. Wearing these glasses gets you high, but you come down hard. 
  • Bearded Man: We could be pets, we could be food, but all we really are is livestock. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

All your receipts of the all the shit you bought in the last year, to make yourself feel bad and bring yourself into the movie with greater aplomb

Trivia
  • The line “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubble gum” was ad-libbed by Roddy Piper. According to director John Carpenter, Piper had taken the line from a list of ideas he had for his pro wrestling interviews. 
  • Roddy Piper, being a married man at the time of filming, refused to take his wedding band off. That’s why in several scenes you can see a wedding ring on. 
Educational Content

If aliens were to invade, the first place they would go is to the televison stations

Mullets- still not retro

You may be married to, sleeping with, or sitting next to an alien. Men in Black taught you this one as well

Justification for Rating

Well, it’s a movie.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inZUDMGJsKo

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Horror

Review of Piranha (1978)

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Piranha DVD Cover

 

 

 

Rating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Reason to Watch

Piranha are in the water. People shouldn’t go into the water, but they do. Other people know the piranha are there and shouldn’t go in the water to check it out, but they do. Piranha should differentiate between victims and People Who Are Just Evaluating The Situation, but they don’t.

This 1978 film is one of the cheap, scary-but-not-horror movies that were so prevalent then. Most of them were really bad and this one lives up to the standard. The acting is bad, the dialogue is worse and if anything in the plot surprises you, you’re too young to watch this movie. Go back to bed and don’t forget your teddy.

Context

Somebody wanted to make a movie about a killer animal, but all the sexy ones were taken. So were all of the good actors.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Dumont: People eat fish, Grogan. Fish don’t eat people.
  • Piranhas: Skree, skree, skree
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A sense of humor or a really slow night on Netflix. But making up dialogue for the piranhas can be fun.

Trivia

In 2010, someone thought it would be a good idea to do a remake in 3-D. Hopefully, the actors had better clothes.

Educational Content
  • Piranha make funny shrieking noises when they attack. Kind of like some people do at a Chinese buffet.
  • If you wear corduroys pulled up to your armpits with a nice wide belt, you’re more likely to get eaten by piranhas.
Justification for Rating

It sucks like a Dyson.
Clip:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoCKGvVlNYM

 

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Anime

Review of Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland

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Little Nemo: Adventures in SlumberlandRating: ★★★★★★★★★☆

Review

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland is a fantastic family adventure. Its cult status is solidly confirmed after resting in overall obscurity since its release in 1989. It follows the adventures of Nemo, a boy who pretends to sleepwalk in order to sneak off and steal some pie. He is visited at night by Professor Genius who is out to capture him and take him to Slumberland. Though it sounds like the perfect plot device for a CSI kidnap/rape case, it actually sets off a whimsical tale of love and escapism.

Reason to Watch

Little Nemo may seem like a children’s story, and it overtly is, but the ending is dark and twisted, the villains believable and sinister, and the plot progresses at a quality immediate pace. It sticks out in memory far and beyond family films of its kind.

Context

Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland is simply one of the best children’s fantasy stories from Japan, and seems to include every specific cliche and plot device to make it as lovable and endearing as possible. To name a few- pretty princesses, flying squirrels, a circus, and a huge trainset.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Nemo: What are you wanted for? 
    Flip: Having fun. 
    Nemo: Having fun? 
    Flip: Yeah, they don’t like it when you have fun here. Heh. 
  • Flip: Care to come along Princess’y? I’ll even let you carry my cigars. 
  • Professor Genius: I am a professor. I am a genius. You may call me Professor Genius. And this is Bon Bon. 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

A whimsical point of view of a nine year old boy, a love of toys, trains, and kings. No? Too hard? find a time machine or go watch some depressing story about a middle aged male with a receding hair line and 2 years shy of a midlife crisis

Trivia
  • The Imp was the only character from the original comic strip to not make an appearance in this movie due to his racial caricature.
  • This is the first anime film to receive a widespread national U.S. theatrical release.
Educational Content

Pretending to sleepwalk works if you want pie, doesn’t work if you want to go out to the bar late at night and pretend it wasn’t “you”

Justification for Rating

It may not be the most typical cult film, but in the world of family-friendly adventure films from Japan featuring boys in dreams, this one is surely the cream of the crop.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69637mM5-vM

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Action

Review of Oldboy

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Oldboy Korean PosterRating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Review

Are you in a good mood? Are you feeling relatively happy and content with life and where you are headed? This ridiculously depressing film is just for you! Oldboy is about a man who is locked in a room for 15 years. He is then released and has absolutely no idea why that has happened to him, and through the course of the film, attempts revenge on the people who did it. There are some major plot developments in the film I wanted spoil here because I am not a dick, but Oldboy is truly in a class all its own. Park Chan-Wook is famous, and much of that has to do with the execution and sheer contextual style of this film. Simply a great piece of film, through and through.

Reason to Watch

There is an uninterrupted one-shot fight scene that spans a corridor and various minutes. It’s a phenomenal piece of film, and is now considered classic.

Context

Oldboy sets a tone, and delivers wildly throughout the entire run. it climaxes in something so intense it begs to be watched without a gaping jaw. Oldboy is spectacular in almost all components, and its thematic elements are strong.

Most Memorable Quote(s)
  • Dae-su Oh: Even though I’m no more than a monster – don’t I, too, have the right to live? 
What You Need to Get Through This Movie

Thick skin, an empty stomach, and a bizarre attraction to 16 year old Asian girls.

Trivia
  • Oldboy is planning to be remade by Spike Lee for an expected 2013 release
  • Oldboy is considered the second part of a thematic trilogy, preceded by Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and followed by Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, all directed by Park Chan-wook
Educational Content

If you are locked in a room for 15 years, you will develop unparalleled martial arts skills

If you are going to cut off your tongue, you better have a good damn reason

Justification for Rating

We’ll let the critiques speak for the film- it’s unanimously considered a legendary piece of film-making, and its structured oh so well.

Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufss5ot_vGE

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